天堂电影

Meeting my younger self is not something that happens easily. If I were a more optimistic person, I might have been excited about it.

But I am not such a hopeful person.

Originally, Hong Seok-young should have been standing here. Not me.

While scratching his head and offering an awkward greeting, he would have bent his knees to match my eye level and extend his hand.

\'You’ve grown a lot, haven’t you? Do you remember me?\'

I stared blankly at that hand before turning away. Even though he might think he was being ignored, Hong Seok-young persistently extended his hand toward me.

In the end, I took his hand. Hong Seok-young smiled brightly.

\'Back then, uncle didn’t get to hear your name.\'

\'No. 12.\'

Why did I respond like that?

I don’t really remember.

\'Really? But I don’t want to call you that. What would you like me to call you?\'

Looking back now, that was the pivotal moment. The moment that would determine what kind of life I would live.

I didn’t hesitate back then.

\'…Woo Hwijae.\'

\'Hwijae? That’s a beautiful name.\'

Tired of holding, I just shrugged my shoulders.

Hong Seok-young, undeterred by my lukewarm reaction, continued to shake the hand he was holding.

\'Hwijae. Don’t think of it as something weird.\'

\'It’s already weird.\'

\'Would you like to come with me?\'

\'Should I report you to the police?\'

\'No, I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t….\'

Hong Seok-young laughed sheepishly and said,

\'What do you think about becoming uncle\'s son?\'

\'I don’t want to.\'

Of course, I rejected him. How could I trust such a suspicious man and agree to become his son?

Still, Hong Seok-young was persistent. As if he wasn\'t busy at all, he diligently kept showing up, even giving me a presentation about all the benefits of becoming his son. In the end, I was the one who surrendered first.

\'Ah, fine! I\'ll be your son!\'

And so, Woo Hwijae became Hong Seok-young’s son.

For some reason, that made Hong Seok-young smile like he had just gained the whole world.

After the decision to adopt me was finalized, I didn’t have much to do. Hong Seok-young, on the other hand, was busy with paperwork.

At one point, he asked me a question.

\'Hwijae. We can change your surname too. To mine. What do you think?\'

\'No.\'

\'No?\'

\'\'Hong Hwijae’ sounds weird.\'

That wasn’t the only reason.

Even so, Hong Seok-young didn’t argue and accepted my decision.

Hong Seok-young’s son, Woo Hwijae.

Now I\'ll never be called that again.

It’s almost laughable now to think that child could be adopted by the old man.

The child glaring at me with a deep frown is young Woo Hwijae, or rather, not even Woo Hwijae. Anyway, that child was adopted by Hong Seok-young… and became happy. So happy that he could scoff at those dreadful days in the research lab as if they were nothing.

I took away that childhood from him.

The sweet time that I know about because I experienced it. All the things my father did for me.

No, my father himself.

I took him away.

That child will never know what it feels like to have a father again. Because I eliminated the possibility of knowing that warm feeling with my own hands.

“Who are you?”

The child, wary of a stranger’s presence, stood stiffly like a wild cat, rubbing his feet against the ground as if ready to run away at any moment.

Our eyes met.

Even though that child was me, the universe didn\'t collapse or anything. The summer day was peaceful, and cicadas were chirping.

It was an ordinary day. Finding my younger self could happen as ordinarily as this.

Just let it go.

Why am I being so stubborn after coming all this way?

If the universe had exploded, I could have used that as an excuse, but it didn’t. So, I have no choice but to accept it.

Anyway, Hong Seok-young and Lee Mi-seon are waiting for me. Running away was never an option to begin with….

Now, I don’t know anymore.

I slowly bent my knees. Just as my father had done for me once, to meet the child at eye level. Dirt staining my knees didn’t matter at all.

Though I took away his father, I could still be his older brother.

Once again, I decided how I would live from now on. With this, Hong Seok-young’s son, Woo Hwijae, disappears forever.

“Irok.”

The child’s eyes widened.

“It’s me.”

“…….”

“I was too late, wasn’t I? Did you wait a long time?”

I mimicked a voice I could barely remember anymore.

I prayed that he wouldn’t remember his face. It had been much longer since he last saw his face than since he heard his voice. Surely, it had been a long time for him as well….

“…Hyung?”

He couldn’t possibly recognize me.

I smiled gently and spread my arms wide.

“Yes, who else but me?”

The child’s wariness quickly faded.

Tears welled up in his eyes. His shoulders trembled, and the feet that had seemed ready to flee now moved toward me.

Tap, tap.

Soon, I heard the light footsteps characteristic of a child. A warm, soft little body threw itself into my arms.

“Hwijae hyung!!”

I hugged the child tightly.

For a moment, I even thought about killing the child while he was in my arms. But reason stopped me, knowing I couldn’t possibly kill a child.

It was a relief that the child, busy sobbing and clinging to my neck, couldn’t see my face. I was sure it wasn’t a face worth showing.

But at least my voice was kind. Just like my father had spoken to me. Like my older brother had comforted me.

“Hyung said he’d come to get you, didn’t he?”

“Yeah, yeah. Hyung, I, I…”

“It’s okay, it’s okay.”

I picked up the child, who was crying so hard he couldn’t finish his sentences. Young me clung to me like a koala.

I whispered in his ear.

“Then let’s go with hyung.”

“Yeah!”

The kidnapping was too easy.

***

I can’t be sure about my earliest memory.

Dim lighting and voices whispering about me do come to mind. A small warmth felt beside me. Brushing fingers. The whimpering cries of babies.

Suddenly, I realized one of those cries was coming from me.

The second memory is clearer than that.

The car window was pitch black. Part of it was because it was dark outside. I clung to the window, trying to look outside under the streetlights. That brief moment was the only time I could glimpse the outside world.

A soft laugh came from the driver’s seat.

\'You should sit properly.\'

From that memory onward, things are clearer.

A kind hand pulling my shoulder closer.

A warm embrace holding me.

A low voice laughing near my ear.

\'Shh. Let’s take a short break here.\'

\'Really? Is that okay?\'

\'Well, why not? It’ll be our little secret.\'

Hyung laughed playfully. Whenever there was a need to transfer between research labs, hyung always took me out with him. It was one of the few times we could be alone together. It was also the only time I could freely look at his face, as he didn’t wear his mask then.

Hyung, sitting in the driver’s seat, turned to look back at me.

The image distorts, full of static.

A crow mask with a long beak comes into view.

While driving outside, hyung never wore his mask.

Though the mask disappeared, the static remained.

\'Let’s rest for just 10 minutes.\'

Hyung stopped the car. Ours was the only car driving through the mountain road. He opened the door and lifted me in his arms.

The wind brushed against my bare feet. The sensation was so new to me that I laughed for a long time. The idea that a space without walls existed was fascinating. And there were so many trees! Even my hair getting messy in the wind was nothing but amusing.

Hyung laughed.

But I couldn’t see his face.

The image almost comes into focus but blurs again. It has been more than twenty years since I last saw Hyung’s face. Remembering it until now would be the strange thing.

Even when I left the research lab, his face was already a faint memory. When did he stop taking off his mask in front of me? It must have been after he was caught by Mom and Dad for showing me his unmasked face.

\'Hyung.\'

\'Yeah?\'

\'I want to see your face.\'

I reached out toward him and grabbed the long protruding beak of the mask, shaking it.

When I acted stubborn like this, Hyung would smile helplessly, as if he had no choice, take off the mask, and show me his face. But after being called in by Mom and Dad, he never took off his mask again.

\'I can’t…. I can’t show you my face anymore.\'

\'Why not?\'

\'Because Mom and Dad scolded me a lot.\'

\'Still! Can’t you just take it off for a moment and then put it back on?\'

\'I’m sorry.\'

Although his voice was full of apology, there was a firmness in it. It meant that this time, Hyung wouldn’t give in to my stubbornness.

Even knowing that, I shook the mask a few more times. Hyung hugged me tightly.

\'Then, instead.\'

\'Instead?\'

\'Call my name.\'

\'…….\'

The arms holding me tightened.

There were cameras in the room, but they didn’t record sound. Even so, Hyung whispered in a voice so quiet it was barely audible, just for me to hear.

\'I-rok.\'

\'Yes.\'

\'I-rok.\'

\'Yes.\'

\'I-rok.\'

Hearing Hyung call my name over and over made me happy right away.

\'Can I call your name too?\'

\'Yeah. But, you know, right?\'

\'I won’t tell anyone!\'

\'That’s right. Our names are our little secret.\'

\'Since you gave me my name, only you can call it.\'

\'Well…. Hyung actually hopes other people call your name too.\'

\'But it’s a secret, so how?\'

\'…That’s true. Then let’s stick to just me calling it.\'

Because of the mask, I couldn’t see what kind of expression Hyung made when he said that.

I was just excited to keep calling him.

\'Hyung. Hwijae Hyung.\'

\'I-rok.\'

\'Hwijae Hyung.\'

\'I-rok, my little brother.\'

\'Hwijae Hyung.\'

We were the only ones who called each other by our names.

Everyone else called me \'No. 12.\' It was the name given to me by Mom and Dad.

When I told Hyung that the first time, he got angry. It must have been not long after I met him.

\'That’s not a name.\'

I couldn’t understand why Hyung was angry.

\'Not a name? But everyone calls me that.\'

\'It’s not… Hyung will give you one.\'

\'Really?\'

\'Yeah. But you can’t tell Mom and Dad.\'

\'It’s a secret?\'

\'Yeah, it’s a secret.\'

The next day, when Hyung came, he told me my name.

\'I-rok. It’s I-rok. What do you think?\'

\'What does it mean?\'

\'Hmm… \'I\' (이) means joy, and \'Rok\' (록) means green. You like green, don’t you?\'

\'I do! Then what’s your name, Hyung?\'

“My name?”

Ah. Come to think of it, I don’t think Hyung was wearing a mask at this point. The crow mask had disappeared, replaced by a faint face.

\'My name is… Hwijae. Hwijae. Woo Hwijae.\'

\'Woo?\'

\'That’s Dad’s surname. You’re Woo I-rok too.\'

Woo I-rok

My name.

My real name.

\'See? The ‘Hwi’ in my name also means joy, right? Just like in your name.\'

\'Because we’re brothers?\'

\'Yeah. Because we’re brothers.\'

That reason was enough for me to accept my name.

So, as I nestled into Hyung’s arms, I called him.

\'Hwijae Hyung.\'

\'Yeah.\'

\'You have to call my name too!\'

\'Oh, Ah, okay. I-rok.\'

\'Hwijae Hyung.\'

\'I-rok.\'

We must have done that for a good hour.

When we called each other by our names, I was no longer \'No. 12\' or \'Crow Kid\'.

Because of that.

Perhaps that\'s why... that\'s what happened.

Hyung disappeared more than a year before I was rescued from the research lab. He left only with the promise that he would be back soon.

\'Goodbye, kids.\'

I was rescued by my father and transported to the hospital in an ambulance. At the hospital, there were police officers.

\'What’s your name? I’ll help you meet your mom and dad.\'

Mom and Dad had been dead for a long time. Even if they were alive, I wouldn’t have wanted to meet them.

Where could Hyung be? If he wasn’t at the lab, it would be hard for him to find me. I’d written it down in my diary, but would Hyung be able to see it?

The other kids who were rescued with me eagerly shouted their names. Those who remembered their parents’ names also mentioned them, and there were quite a few kids who still remembered their home addresses or their parents’ phone numbers.

Whenever a police officer got close to me, I pushed another kid forward.

My name? My name?

My name was a secret between me and Hyung. I didn’t want to tell it to anyone else. But for Hyung to find me, I had to give a name he could recognize. Hyung would definitely come to find me. He said he’d be back soon, that we could live together outside. He said he found someone who could help us.

\'Hey, can you tell me your name?\'

That child couldn’t think too deeply and...

\'…Hwijae. Woo Hwijae.\'

Spoke his brother\'s name.