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Chapter 76 - Is It Worth It?

What is he doing?

Jerlina got angry at TJ in her heart. But seeing those piercingly blue eyes that were calm as the deep blue sea, she realized she needs to have this talk. She needs to tell him what she feels and maybe about her miscarriage.

I need to pull the band-aid and tell him that he and I can never be together again.

"Yes, let\'s," she turned and looked at Gerard. "I know a place."

"I\'ll be at the pub," Jerlina looked at Jeremy and he nodded. He extended his hand as if he was about to say something. "Mmm?" Jerlina asked taking a step closer to Jeremy, but Gerard pulled her by the wrist.

"Gerry!" Jerlina furrowed her brows. She didn\'t like getting pulled when she is in a conversation with another.

"Nothing," Jeremy waved his hand. "Call me after," he smiled.

"Okay, I won\'t take long," she nodded and turned at Gerard.

"It\'s pretty close from here. Let\'s take a walk," she showed the direction, carefully avoiding his hand that was about to hold hers.

Her heart was beating in her throat as she thought of the words she will tell him. But first, she wanted to know why he let her go when she needed him the most.

"Jer, I... I missed you a lot..." Gerard tried to hold her hand but Jerlina avoided it.

Gerard gulped seeing her stiff side profile. His voice shook seeing how cold she behaves with him,"I can\'t even touch you anymore, Jer?"

"You know why, Gerry," Jerlina looked at him, but she couldn\'t meet his eyes as they looked hurt. This is the man she was with through thick and thin for seven years. Her heart still ached to see his hurt face.

"This is TJ\'s place and everyone here knows you as Emma\'s- Ah, what-"

Before she could finish her sentence, Gerard pulled her to the small alleyway between two buildings and hugged her close.

"Please, flower..." he rested his chin on her shoulder and took a deep whiff as his hold on her waist tightened, "Let me hug you... I missed you...so much...I..."

Jerlina found her fingers trembling. He only calls her \'flower\' when he is in distress. He smelled the same as ever and his entire body was cold although the weather was not cold.

She raised her hands to hug him but paused realizing someone was watching them from the other side of the road.

She turned to see Charlie standing there with a stiff face and as her eyes met with his, he spat on the floor and turned away.

Jerlina closed her eyes as she felt like she was spat on. If it was just a couple of months back, no one would have had a second glance at them if they hugged in public, but now...

Everything has changed.

"How did we get here, Gerry?" she asked and tears started dripping from her eyes.

"Jer... Jer..." Gerard looked at her and wiped her tears. He knew she is hurting as much as he is. "I\'m sorry... I\'m sorry, my love," he placed a kiss on her forehead. "I am sorry..." he kissed her eyes wet with tears.

"I didn\'t mean for this to happen," he kissed over her cheek wet with her tears and slowly his kisses reached her lips.

"I love you, Jer... I only love you and it is torture to be away from you..." he pressed his coarse lips on hers.

He\'s been waiting for her from the morning in his car and he didn\'t even leave to have a drink fearing he might miss her. When he saw her with that guy, he felt like a javelin went through his heart, leaving him a hollow shell. But he wanted to meet her; to hug her; to hear her voice, and to assure her that they can go back to where they once were.

Jerlina opened her eyes as he started kissing her. She didn\'t know why, but she felt nothing. She neither felt the usual warmth and the butterflies in her stomach whenever she used to kiss him in the past nor did she feel disgusted by his touch.

"I miss you so much..."

His kiss deepened and his tongue slowly tried to enter her oral cavity. His big hand slowly grazed her arms and reached her abdomen. He pushed her at the wall and with a slight grunt, lifted her up and positioned himself between her legs.

In the past, she could never refuse his advances.? But now... she felt nothing.

Have I gone cold-hearted? Soul-less?

"Gerry, please..." she pushed him away holding his shoulders as his hand started to unbutton her shirt. "I\'ve been humiliated enough already. Please, I cannot handle any more humiliation. Just...stop treating me like a wh*re you paid for at the side street."

Her voice was soft and seemed fragile like a spider web. But it had the strength to hold herself, and enough firmness for Gerard to pull back.

"Jer, your words hurt so much... Why did you change this much?" Gerard asked wiping the corner of his eyes.

"Let\'s speak in a public place and stop pulling me. I hate it!" Jerlina said with her eyes focused as she fixed herself.

"If I can\'t touch you, who can?" he looked at her and she had an empty look.

"Let\'s get in the pub," she said and walked in the front.

Jeremy standing behind a window watched Jerlina coming out of the alley with a depressed Gerard following her in the back. He could only imagine what happened in the two minutes they disappeared.

And no, he didn\'t want to know.

He saw Charlie seething at the other side of the road and called him. "Get back. Don\'t follow her anymore," he ended the call. Charlie looked in his direction and then after kicking the trash can at the side of the road, stomped out.

He dialled Matt Maverick. "Matt, I need a favor," he said.

"I am at the pub. And I see her. What favor do you need?" he asked. Jeremy sighed hearing the sadness in Matt\'s tone. That was rare for him.

"Just watch over her and drop her at home... I don\'t want to..." Jeremy rubbed his chest.

What do I want to do?

He took in a deep breath.

"Matt, should I stop this? Should I just let her go now? With him?" he asked scratching his beard. "I don\'t know what to do..."

He was trying to keep her safe from others, but she had tried to kill herself because she was hurt by Emma\'s words. How can she be happy if she is constantly tied to Emma?

She seems fine these couple of days, but now looking at her hunched back, she looks defeated. She might try and find little happiness in odd things he could give her, but is this the happiness she deserves? Shouldn\'t she be a lot happier?

Is it worth it?

"Should I ask Volkonsky to secure-"