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Chapter 85: Barbeque

“God damn it…” I groaned as I stoked the fire. “I really didn’t think I’d actually lose. Man, talk about a sudden comeback.”

“You lost quite easily for a man that dared to boast,” Lefi smirked. She was hanging around right beside me, and not for any good reason either. She was only there to gloat. “How delectable this is. I must say, Yuki, I am impressed by your skill as a chef. It is a shame that you are unable to taste the fruits of your efforts yourself. To think that you must miss out on such delicious meat.”

Though she spoke words of pity, the sh*t eating grin she had plastered all over her face clearly indicated that her true feelings were quite a far cry from what she claimed. Further evidence came shortly as she used a pair of chopsticks, a tool she’d only recently mastered, to taunt me with a piece of meat. She brought the perfectly grilled morsel right before my eyes and just left it dangling.

Nom.

“What!? You ate it!?” shouted Lefi in a confused tone.

“Yeah. It was pretty good, if I do say so myself.”

“How dare you! Spit it out! Return it to me immediately! That piece was the last we had of its variety!”

Lefi protested by lightly hitting my chest over and over, but I disregarded her and continued to chew, stopping only to gloat with a grin. “My bad. You basically left it right in front of my mouth, so I figured you were probably trying to feed me.”

“I did no such thing! You swine! Fiend! Demon!”

“Mwahahahaha!” I cackled. “Indeed, Lefi. You speak to none other than a fiendish demon lord! How haven’t you noticed?”

“I have not fallen for your deception! I had known from the moment I first laid eyes on you that you were a fiend!” shouted Lefi.

I put Lefi’s insults aside and instead began to reflect on the fishing contest. I had managed to remain in the lead for quite some time. I kept netting fish after fish, and neither of the other two could even come close. To that end, Lefi soon began protesting that the whole scenario was unfair given my experience. Cocky as I was, I agreed to give them a handicap. Thus, it ended up me vs. Team LL.

Though they put both their efforts and catches together, I still held onto the lead regardless. But then, it happened. My reign came crashing down. Lefi managed to steal my crown away by landing a massive catch the moment before we called it a day.

The massive creature yanked on her rod with all the force it could. If Lefi had been any other delicate-looking girl, she probably would’ve been dragged right into the river. But though she didn’t look it, she was the supreme dragon, and thus managed to easily tear the creature out of the water. The reason I referred to her catch as a creature was because, although it looked like a squid, it was apparently some sort of fish. Yeah, I still don’t get it. The fuck was up with that thing?

It was obviously large enough to serve as the night’s main dish, and so, team LL claimed the victory. In other words, my loss was entirely my own fault. Lyuu would have been stuck at rock bottom had I not allowed the two of them to form a team.

As per the conditions of the bet, the loser (read: me) was responsible for firing up the grill and barbecuing everything while everyone else ate; I wasn’t supposed to be allowed to eat until everyone was full.

That said, neither Lefi nor Lyuu could actually cook, so I would’ve ended up sitting in front of the grill regardless of who won. The only difference was that Leila would have helped me out had I not come in last place. But since I did, she too had been granted the right to sit around and eat to her heart’s content while I did all the cooking myself. Fortunately, the fish had all been gutted ahead of time, so all I really had to do was sit in front of the grill and watch as it did its job. Yeah, no biggie.

“Come on guys! Stop picking on each other already!” Illuna scolded Lefi and I as she approached. “And open wide Yuki!”

“Thanks, Illuna,” I said as I bit down on the piece of meat she presented me.

“Mmmmnnn, that’s tasty. Having you feed it to me made it taste a whole hundred times better.”

“Then I guess I gotta feed you lots more!” the young vampire giggled with delight as she handed me another slice of meat.

That smile though. What an angel.

“You must cease, Illuna. You are spoiling him rotten,” said Lefi. “It is his duty to atone for his loss.”

“But he’s the only one not eating and I feel really bad for him! Good food should be shared with everyone! Right, Shii?”

“Right!”

The two girls exchanged glances while happily chewing on their food. C u t e.

“You see that, Lefi? That’s called kindness,” I said in a matter of fact tone. “You should really take a page out of her book.”

“…I cannot disagree. Very well.” Lefi grabbed some vegetables and brought them to my face.

“Huh? U-Uhh. alright. Well, I guess that means you get it, so don’t mind if I do.”

Failing to see any reason to reject her offer, I ate what Lefi had presented me.

“And here is another serving.”

“T-Thanks.”

“And another.”

“Thanks Lef—WAIT A SECOND! WHY ARE YOU ONLY FEEDING ME VEGETABLES!?”

The dragon girl responded to me with a despondent shrug. “I see that you do not appreciate my attempts to feed you. How petty, to meet my kindness with naught but complaints.”

“Yeah, how about you at least feed me some meat before you start mouthing off like that.”

“The meat does appear rather delectable,” said Lefi. “I suppose I will have some.”

Lefi went out of her way by grabbing the exact piece I’d pointed to before swallowing it whole. Damn it Lefi. I swear to god…

“Uhmmmm…” Leila said between hesitant but elegant bites out of a grilled fish. “I would not mind taking over if you so wish it, My Lord.”

Speaking of fish, the bizarre life form that served as Lefi’s first catch had been released back into the river, as none of us had been all that keen on eating it. Yeaaaah, sh*t looked gross as fuck.

“That’s a no can do Leila. S’his job since he lost ‘n all that,” said Lyuu.

“Says the person that barely caught jack.”

“That don’t matter, master. A win is a win,” The warwolf grinned.

She was right, so the only response I could offer was a frustrated groan.

“Ay Rir, mah dude. You know that Lyuu chick? Bitch be mean as hell.” I intentionally spoke in a hoodlum-like manner while doing absolutely nothing to lower my voice. [1]

“Wha- hey! Sayin’ that to Rir’s just a real act o’ good ol’ cowardice, Master! F-Fine, I getcha. H-Here, I’ll feed ya some meat.”

“Nah, I’m good. I lost. This is my duty as the loser”

“W-What the heck Master!? L-Lord Rir! You got it all wrong, this ain’t my fault! I-I ain’t mean at all!”

The wolf slumped over and whined, almost as if to indicate that he wanted to be left out of the argument.

“Watch yourself, Yuki, for your hands appear rather idle for one responsible for the fire.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. I won’t slack. Oh yeah, before I forget. Stop feeding me all the god damn vegetables and have some yourself.”

“U-Urk…” The dragon groaned. “I have had the inclination to ask this of you for quite some time now. Why is it that I must eat mere grass? I see not the reason, and I have never once in all my years felt the need to do so.”

“First of all, vegetables aren’t just grass,” I said. “And while it’s true that you can get by without them, eating them is much better for you than not. You’ve gotta keep a balanced diet if you want to stay healthy, you know?”

Of course, I understood that Lefi, being a “Supreme Dragon,” may not be built the same way as any other omnivore, but I felt that she needed to be fed vegetables nonetheless, just not for nutrition. She needs to be a lot less of a picky eater, and I know for a fact that she won’t back down if I start spoiling her now.

“I believe you mentioned that you are starved for meat…?” The dragon grabbed a piece of the stuff I’d been pointing at earlier and parked it right in front of me.

“Yeah, thanks.” I ate it, chewed, and swallowed before continuing. “But don’t think you can get out of eating your veggies just ‘cause you actually started feeding me meat.”

“…”

Lefi please. I saw that one coming from a mile away.

***

Note:

[1] He actually speaks in the Jojo style here, where some of the syllables are dragged out and the sentences are intentionally short and choppy. The official Jojo localizations don’t seem to have done anything special when characters suddenly begin speaking in the aforementioned manner, so I’m not really sure what I should be doing for the reference in this case.