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“Nope, nothing. Wait, what color did you say it was? Purple?”

“No! I said blue!”

“Oooooh!”

“Well?”

“Well what?”

“Did you see a blue flower like that or not?”

“Oh no, haven’t seen a blue one either.”

Balthazar felt an urge to tear his hair out, but fortunately, as a crab, he had no hair. Unfortunately, as a human, the adventurer in front of him did have hair, and the temptation was becoming quite difficult to ignore.

Thankfully, the easily confused man walked away soon enough, leaving Balthazar to his other thoughts.

The desperate merchant had spent the entire morning stopping every traveler who passed by the road, not to peddle his wares, but to ask them if they knew of a certain blue flower with five long sharp petals that only blooms once a year.

Most did not know of any such flower, some could swear they had seen it before, but couldn’t recall where or if it wasn’t something else similar, and a few had even claimed to have it on them, only to present him with a common blue flower from the plains.

Both his patience and his hopes were at an end.

Druma remained on his bed, bouncing between a feverish, trembling sleep, and an unquiet state of unconsciousness where he mumble to himself.

Bouldy had not left his side the entire time, remaining firmly stuck to the ground behind the haystack, watching over his friend. Not that the golem ever used to sleep before, but who did sleep most of the day was Blue, and even she seemed to sense something bad was going on, and spent a lot of her time lying on her cushion, looking mopey and observing the sick goblin without getting any shut-eye.

If Balthazar didn’t know better, he could almost swear it was as if she felt guilty for it all. But Balthazar did know better, and he doubted she really felt remorse, given how little the drake seemed to care when it was the crab who was surrounded by the wolves before.

Such a heartless and disobedient creature, always doing as she chooses, never doing what she’s told. Definitely not something Balthazar appreciated. Just like irony.

The notification of his level up continued softly blinking in the corner of his eye since the encounter with the wolves ended, but the crab had felt little desire to deal with the system’s nonsense.

“Argh, quit bugging me. I got more important things to worry about than stupid level ups right now.”

But blinking icons in the corner of one’s eye had a way of not listening to verbal complaints, and so it continued on blinking.

Letting out a sharp exhale, Balthazar came to terms with the fact that it would be faster to just get the whole thing done and over with while waiting for someone else to walk by than to continue ignoring it all day.

“Fine, level 12, throw my stupid attribute point into Intelligence. It’s 22 now, big whoop,” the grumpy crab mumbled as he his eyes dashed through the menus. “Bah, gotta pick a pointless skill, too, I guess. Would be nice if there was one that let me find rare flowers under a rock, but that would be asking for too much, I’m sure. Or one that helps me with drakes and dumb adventurers who can’t follow basic instructions.”

Balthazar stopped for a moment, looking up at the sky thoughtfully.

“Wait a moment, that might not be the silliest idea you’ve had yet, Balthazar,” the crab told himself, as he scrolled through the long list of available skills. “Aha! This sounds exactly like what I need.”

[Leadership: F]

[The ability to better command and inspire those around you.]

[Next Rank Requirements: Level 5, Intelligence 10, Charisma D]

[Upgrade]

Figuring he had little to lose at that point, he confirmed the upgrade, and upgraded the new skill to a D.

“Probably not going to do much yet,” Balthazar said, while dismissing all the system’s menus back to the corner of his sight, “but what else am I going to spend it on? The Dancing skill? Hopefully Leadership will let me ‘inspire’ one of these fools to find me that flower, and maybe make a stubborn drake finally listen to me.”

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

He looked over to the center of the islet again, at Blue, still on her cushion.

“Yeah, fat chance on that last part.”

Still feeling bitter about it, he turned his gaze away from the islet and back to the road, where another adventurer approached, this one looking like some sort of knight, wearing heavy steel armor from head to toe, parts of it adorned with white and yellow banners.

Balthazar wondered how that one managed to fight anything, given how stiff and uncomfortable their way of walking was in that set of armor.

The crab took a look through his monocle at the awkward figure.

[Level 12 Knight Paladin]

“Good morning, uh… noble knight,” Balthazar said.

The adventurer stopped and stiffly looked around while holding one hand over the mace on their waist.

“Who goes there?” the knight asked.

To the merchant’s surprise, the voice sounded feminine, something he would have no way of guessing under the bulk of all the armor she wore.

Her steel helmet, that resembled a bucket with two narrow slits for the eyes, clearly restricted her vision, as she continued scanning the area around herself horizontally, but failing to look down to where the crab was, right by her feet.

“Reveal yourself!” she demanded.

“Er… down here,” Balthazar said, trying to wave one pincer up in front of her helmet.

With difficulty, she bent at the waist slightly to look down at him.

“Good heavens! You’re a crab!” she said, with a startled jump.

“Yes, thanks for letting me know, but I have already been made aware of that,” the crab casually said. “I’m Balthazar, and I’m a local merchant. You might have heard of me in town.”

“Ah, yes. Now that I think about it, they did mention something about a crab who sells goods and wares outside of town,” she said, while stroking the chin of her helmet, for whatever odd reason the crab could not hope to fathom.

“Right, that would be me. Glad we can skip on the whole trying to hit the talking crab with a blunt object business.”

“Ha-ha! Fear not, dear creature!” the boastful knight said in a loud voice. “I would not harm anyone unwarranted, only if you posed a threat and acted violently against me or the innocent would I be forced to deliver upon you the holy justice of my blessed mace.”

Balthazar sighed. It would seem Ardville had an unending stock of nutjob adventurers.

“But,” she continued, “I’m afraid I do not need any wares at the moment, merchant. My course is set, and my journey is already planned. All my supplies have been carefully taken care of before I left your neighboring town.”

“Yes, that’s fine. I’m not actually trying to sell you anything,” the increasingly impatient crab said. “I was actually just looking to ask if you wouldn’t happen to have come across a certain type of flower before, and if so, if you would be willing to sell its petals to me.”

“A flower?” the bucket head repeated. “I’m afraid not. I cannot afford to waste time gathering flowers in my crusade, friend. My mission is to help those in need wherever they might be, not to be picking petals and chasing butterflies.”

“Exactly, helping those in need,” Balthazar said. “That’s us. I need those petals for a potion that would cure my friend, who is gravely ill. That’s what you’re interested in, is it not? Helping. Well, there you go. I just need someone to find me those damnable petals to cure my sick friend. Can’t get any more basic than that in terms of noble acts, or whatever.”

“Aha!” the paladin said, placing her hands on her waist. “Why did you not say so from the start, kind crab? To help those who are ill is one of the noblest acts for a paladin such as myself. Right next to slaying the foul undead or bashing the skulls of disgusting goblins.”

Balthazar winced at the last part of her sentence, but thankfully for him, she was unlikely to have seen it from her limited field of view.

“Right, sure. Anyway,” he quickly said, “can you tell me if you’ve ever seen a blue flower that looks like this? It’s called frostshade.”

The crab unfolded a small piece of parchment where the orc shaman had drawn a sketch of the flower and offered it to the adventurer.

She took the paper and brought it up in front of her visor, moving it several times closer and further away, as if having difficulty seeing the charcoal drawing. Which she probably did, given her refusal to remove the helmet.

“Hmm,” the paladin pondered. “I cannot say that I have ever seen such a peculiar flower. My apologies.”

“I figured as much,” the disappointed crustacean said, taking the paper back. “Still, if by any chance you see anyone with petals of it, make sure you bring them to me right away. I will reward you handsomely for them, better than any alchemist. Just get them here right away.”

“Oh-ho!” she exclaimed. “So it is to be a noble quest! To seek a cure for an ill relative.”

“No, it’s not a quest, damn it!” an exasperated Balthazar said. “Why do you all adventurers insist on saying that?”

The knight scratched the top of her metal helmet with the tip of her gloved finger. Once again, for whatever strange reason that the crab could not understand.

“Is it not?” she asked. “It really sounds like your average fetch quest to me.”

“No! It’s not! I’m just asking that if you find petals from this flower, that you bring them to me, and I will reward you for it, and… damn it, it does sound like a typical quest.”

The knight paladin shrugged. “That’s what I was trying to say.”

Balthazar sighed in defeat.

“Worry not, little crab,” the adventurer said, placing a hand over her heart, “I, Hannabeth, knight paladin, swear on my honor that I will see your quest through, and bring you the cure for your friend, whatever it takes.”

“For the last time, I’m not a quest giver!” the irritated crab exclaimed.

Hannabeth dropped her shoulders and relaxed her heroic stance before speaking in a lower, less boastful voice.

“Look, mate, I’m trying really hard to play a role here, and you’re kinda ruining my groove and immersion. Can’t you just, like, I don’t know, go along with it, please? I’ll get your flower, just help me help you out, alright?”

Balthazar stared with an empty expression at the equally empty steel surface covering the adventurer’s face.

His friend was fighting pain and fever while he wasted time arguing semantics with a loon who was a little too much into the whole holy noble knight act. He wasn’t sure which one looked more ridiculous at that point.

“Fine,” he said with a long sigh. “Will you… urgh… noble knight paladin… help me find the petals of this blue frostshade, so that I may cure my friend’s ailment? I will repay your... kindness if you can find them for me.”

Balthazar struggled to finish the words, and once he did, he felt he would need at least two whole pies before the bitter taste would leave his mouth.

“Very well!” the once again boastful knight announced. “I shall set out on my journey and find you this rare cure, kind crab! For your friend. For you. For the gods!”

The crab stood staring impassively at her.

“Right,” she finally said, seeing his lack of reaction. “Off I go, then. I will journey north now and hopefully return soon with good news. Farewell, merchant.”

Balthazar watched as she continued her way down the road, heading south, armor clanking with every step.

“Pretending to give quests to idiots,” the golden crab said, while shaking his shell. “I can’t believe I’ve stooped this low.”