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"Hawi—"

"I\'m fine. It\'s just an episode, and nothing new," Hawi said to Alpha Clarkson who was clearly worried for her. She hated being in this state and hated the fact that she had been vulnerable. She had promised herself she would never be vulnerable again and yet she was, again.

Well, her panic attacks never came with warnings. Then again, Hawi was smart enough to know that the world wasn\'t her playground and shit wouldn\'t change just because she was the pretty little princess hurt by the world.

She would find her way along the long road and wherever it led her, she was determined to make sure she found out the truth about what happened that day with her Mother.

She had to get her answers, because this was the third time she was remembering her Mother\'s death and it certainly had a different ending to it.

One conclusion Hawi had come to was that Jer and Dom had been at play that day, and she would eventually find out what their role had been, that night.

She was sick of everything crumbling whenever she had her panic attacks, but as usual, she had to find her way back to reality, even though deep down, she was scared shitless. She however wasn\'t going to show the Clarksons that.

"Are you su—" Luna Amara began and Hawi just got up from the ground, as she made her way to the exit.

"Yes, I am," Hawi said before turning to Lihle, "if you\'re not too busy, maybe you can show me the training grounds. I got some steam to blow off."

The Clarksons stared at Hawi worriedly. They knew she wasn\'t okay, but they could also tell that she was always used to bottling everything up to the point that her hurt didn\'t even matter to her anymore.

It was not fair to her, but then Hawi didn\'t care about anything other than the fact that she had a mission to complete. One that she would make sure to see through to the end, no matter what her body and mind threw at her.

"Yeah, sure. Please excuse us alpha," Lihle said as she followed Hawi outside the room. However, before Lihle could make the final exit, Luna Amara stopped her for a moment.

"Careful not to fight her in that state, Lihle. She is angry and wants some blood. Your abilities are not a match for her and she could kill you in the process.

"Please don\'t agree to be her punching bag, because I can\'t bury another daughter in the hands of the Sicarios," Luna Amara said and Hawi, who had been out the door, felt a pang in her heart once again.

The last statement was a reminder that her last name was always going to be a hindrance to her. Her last name was always going to make her feel like she was the devil himself, but what else could she do about it?

So when she heard Lihle\'s footsteps coming to the door, Hawi teleported to the pack house, like she wanted to make Lihle think that she hadn\'t heard what the Clarksons had just said about her horrible last name.

"Hawi?" Lihle called out when she didn\'t see Hawi out there and suddenly, the Clarksons rushed out, worried about the wild woman again. With Hawi, they either had to get used to her, or they would have their blood pressure above the roof at this rate.

"Relax. I didn\'t run away. I didn\'t kill anyone. I just went to the pack house to see what was there. Shall we head to your training grounds, Lihle?" Hawi said as she walked towards the Clarksons again.

She was bothered by the way they perceived her last name, but she knew that there was nothing she could do at the moment. Besides, she wasn\'t exactly the kind of Sicario to give anyone closure when she didn\'t even know her truth.

"I just thought you had gone to drink your ass off. The last time we won the war, you were in the grand tavern," Lihle said casually and in a tone that told Hawi that she didn\'t have to worry about anything.

Lihle understood Hawi. Sure, she was never going to get to the level that Elodie knew Hawi, or even how Malika knew Hawi, but at war, Lihe knew Hawi the best. But was that enough at the moment?

"Little shit… Come along before the evening sun disappears completely," Hawi said and Lihle just nodded before she led the way to the training grounds.

That evening, Hawi sure did let out the steam she had gone to get off. She had sparred with herself, and a little with Lihle, even welcoming the other warriors to fight her. She had told them to beat her up like they were at war, and for a moment, the warriors had refused.

But then Hawi had promised to buy them beer at the taverns for the whole night if they beat her up. It was a dangerous thing, and Hawi knew that there was a chance she could die if she let the warriors of the unknown clan hit her, but then it was easier than having to face her fears.

She just wanted to breathe and the only place she could breathe was at war. She hated gyms, because of what had happened to her the last time.

"Do you think she\'s dead?" One of the warriors said once they were done and Hawi\'s blood was all over the room. Her hair was red, thanks to the hits she had taken and the fact that she had wiped the blood off of her with her hair.

Then came the point when her hair was too soaked that she couldn\'t continue relying on her hair anymore.

Hawi had blocked her wolf, which meant that she had declined the help of her werewolf healing abilities. She could feel her broken bones poking out of her skin, as her teeth had fallen on the ground. She had broken knuckles and her face was swollen.

Hell, her whole body was too swollen that the warriors began feeling guilty about it.

"The alpha will have us train rigorously again if they knew we did this to her," another warrior said. They were all nursing wounds, but unlike Hawi, they had let their wolves heal them.

Hawi had gotten them pretty good to the point that even though their wounds had healed, the pain was still there. Yet none of them could comprehend the amount of pain Hawi was in, as she was curled up on the training room floor.

She looked like some slave that had been bullied into submission.

Awuor Hawi looked terrible and like a ghost had taken over her form, but even then, she still managed to speak the words that the warriors declined to give in this time.

They had had enough, themselves, given the woman they had been fighting was too strong for them all. It was like she was a weapon of destruction on her own. Sure, she was badly hurt, but the hundreds of warriors at the grounds were hurting, because of how harshly she had hit them.

"Punch me a little more," Hawi said and the warriors stepped back, including Lihle.

However, when Hawi spoke again, their hearts shattered on her behalf.

"Please… please beat me up a little more."