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She had tried to let them go, but there was something about these particular memories, something about the beautiful moments turning so effortlessly into a pain she would live with for years.

Her memories had fucked her up more than once. They had reminded her of things she would never have again — things that were so close yet so far.

She would never be happier with her complete family again, which made Hawi want to make Razia feel everything she was feeling. This was worse than the times when she would get people to beat her up just for her to be in pain, and feel something, anything.

"Awuor! Mother is coming! Hidee!!!" Dom always told her whenever Dom got in trouble. It was a habit and their mother never really went after Dom because she knew that Hawi never said no to her brother.

They had been the perfect set of siblings and everything had come down on them. Looking at herself in the full-length mirror in her room, Hawi wondered if she had changed by much.

She wondered whether her people would recognize her if she took her throne and walked herself to the Sicario throne room. She wondered if it would make all the difference.

Hawi could see her eyes and how similar they had been to her mother\'s. She was hunted by those eyes and eight times like these, they reminded her that she had someone to remember.

Her mother always told her she had the temper of her father, while Dom was a daring kid because he had Hawi watching his back always.

They were happy then.

They had what people considered normal and yet in just four years everything had come down on the Sicario house.

"Mother…" Hawi whimpered as she looked at herself. She wasn\'t sure of what she was feeling anymore because her dark eyes had stayed and she could see the rage in them. Her hair was slowly turning into a mix of purple and red and frankly.

She wasn\'t sure what that meant and for the first time, she genuinely didn\'t want to know. She was already a scared kid, she didn\'t need to know just how many more levels of fucked up she was.

So today she would pretend.

She would pretend like it was just another day for her back home.

She would pretend like she didn\'t just claw a woman apart in the dungeons.

She would pretend like she wasn\'t completely and utterly alone in the great castle that had been her home for years.

She would pretend about it all and maybe if she did pretend just for long enough, she would be able to get back the feeling of being loved and wanted by her family.

"Pretend…" Malika suddenly asked as she looked at Hawi.

She wasn\'t sure what the girl was thinking of, but then she was smart enough to know that Hawi was no longer the twenty-three-year-old broken girl who had been banished. She was twenty-seven years old, and had so many scars now.

She had so much pain hissing in her and she had too many scars both physical and emotional. She had suffered one too many times and perhaps the universe would give her a break, right?

"Yeah… Just for this day, I wanna pretend that everything is alright, like Sicario signed at war and like my parents never died. I want to pretend that it\'s just a normal day and I get to see my mother\'s beautiful smile, my brother\'s mischievous look like he had no brain, and my father\'s pride when he looked at us each day.

"I want to pretend like it\'s not just another day that Dom decides to use my brain to think instead of using his. I want to pretend like we don\'t have to wake up early or late to anything and more than anything, I want to pretend, just today, that the world isn\'t as cruel to us all," Hawi said as she turned and looked at herself.

She loved what she was seeing in the mirrors.

She was covered in Razia\'s blood from head to toe, not to mention the fact that she was leaving thick footprints covered with blood, on her white tiled floor. She didn\'t care about that today\'s thought.

All she wanted was peace, and the remainder of her home, and she would go for it.

"What do you think?" Hawi asked Malika who was staring in silence, just like she had been the entire time.

It was almost like Malika was invisible or else wanted to make Hawi feel like she wasn\'t alone and yet at the same time, she wanted Hawi to lead a normal life.

It was quite unhinged, what normal was to them, but at the end of the day, there wasn\'t much that they could live for, regardless of what happened.

"It doesn\'t sound so bad. We all need a break from everything," Malika said as she walked over to the mirrors. She could see herself too, and boy were her eyes tired. Unknown to Hawi, Malika was always on a mission.

In the times she was silent, she was always thinking of how to do shit elsewhere. It was like Malika was just some machine for Hawi and while Hawi wasn\'t making her do any work, Malika knew it was something that she had to do on her own.

If anything, Hawi was just her assignment. Her craziest in history, but still, an assignment she had grown to love and genuinely care about. Oftentimes Malika reminded himself that Hawi was not like the other white wolves.

She wasn\'t, and Malika knew it.

This girl could do whatever she set her mind to do, even if it meant pissing off the deities and everyone else.

Hawi had nothing left to lose.

"I\'m thinking of getting a buzz cut," Hawi said and Malika stared at the woman like she was insane.

However, as if to encourage Hawi, Malika grabbed a scissor from the drawer and handed them over to Hawi. She knew that this was a weird way for the young wolf to cope, but then what else could Hawi do?

It wasn\'t like she was always going to lock herself up in this suite and avoid everything. She had to put herself out there and not always because of war, but because away from everything she was just a girl, one who still wanted to watch the world unfold.

She was just a girl who wanted to get flowers and go on tours with her best friends. Sure, she was psycho, but even psychos needed a break from all the chaos, right?

"Want some help?" Malika offered and Hawi let out a lonely laugh as she stared at the scissors in Malika\'s hands.

Her mother always was the one who took care of her.

Her mother never made her feel like the world was a terrible place even though that was the reality.

Her mother had always been a good person, and she cared, probably more than she should have.

And in the end, her mother had been betrayed.

"Yeah, sure. Where do you want me to sit?" Hawi asked softly even though it was like she was trapped in some memory again.