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What did I just typed?!

Sometimes I really don\'t have any filters!

Someone like me flirting with a young man like him, it is super weird, isn\'t it?!

It is not right… It would be seen as creepy by literally anybody.

Oh god, I am a creep.

W-Well, Mark sometimes also says such cute things to me, I felt like I needed to tell him something nice. Especially because he seemed depressed sometimes.

I can relate to that because I\'ve always been depressed deep down, not only for my husband\'s passing, but my own insecurities about my appearance, or my age, or my life as a whole…

I just didn\'t wanted someone young like him to feel like I do.

[Mark: Sorry for saying those things… It wasn\'t my intention to make you feel bad about it. I\'ll go if you want to, I\'ll bring some gifts for your parents as well. I\'ll try to enjoy the trip; it has been a long time since I went to the countryside. Maybe locking myself in the city is making me have too many depressive thoughts. Sorry about that again.]

[Elayne: No need to apologize, Mark. It\'s alright. I might had done it a bit out of nowhere, but I like seeing you smiling.]

[Mark is typing…]

[Mark: You do?]

[Elayne: Yeah! You\'re so handsome, your smile is nice to see every morning.]

[Mark is typing…]

[Mark: Thanks… I guess… Nobody has ever said that to me before. Your smile is also pretty, Elayne.]

I really did overdid it!

And he… he complimented me back so casually…

M-Maybe I should move to the topic elsewhere or just evade the conversation and type "goodnight"?

But I… Well, I kind of want to chat some more with him.

I don\'t know why but now that I think about it, I\'ve been playing with him in the game for a while. And now speaking to him, it feels like he\'s even closer to me.

Maybe sharing challenges and experiences in the game has made me feel like we are growing closer. But because he doesn\'t know who I am in the game, he might have no clue himself.

Dang it.

I don\'t know why I feel like this sometimes when I am talking to him, or when I am close.

Recently I\'ve been kind of getting away from him in the job because I feel this feeling in my chest, and it is as if my whole blood flow accelerates a little bit.

Ugh… I don\'t really want to know what it is, to be honest.

Maybe when he sees me getting distant, he thinks I hate him or something.

Perhaps this has contributed to those comments he had?

What can I do now?

Ugh… I hate being old if I were younger I…

Well, that possibility is already inexistent right now.

Maybe I should try to be just interested on him? Maybe if I ask about his family… he sometimes talks about them, they also are from the countryside, and there was some sort of arranged marriage dispute he had where he didn\'t wanted to marry a childhood friend his parents were forcing into him.

That must be really tough, I also am not into forced or arranged marriages, those are things people should decide themselves, not their parents. He is free to reject them but they keep pestering him about it, and because they\'re his parents, its not as if he\'s going to bark back at them and threaten to sue them or something, after all, its Mark, he\'s a sweet man.

[Elayne: How is your family doing by the way?]

[Mark is typing…]

[Mark: Oh, everything\'s good, I think. I\'ve finally managed to get to talk a bit with them lately… But I don\'t know if I\'ll go visit them this week. I am afraid they\'ll push her into me again. I\'ve already told them I don\'t want to marry but they keep going on that. Old Traditional Families are... quite annoying.]

[Elayne: I see… That\'s a bit worrisome. I hope things can get better. Maybe you should tell them? How about meeting with them and the girl? You cant simply wait for them to accept it if they\'re so stubborn. Maybe a meeting with them would do it.]

[Mark: That\'s hard, I don\'t really want to see her… You know, I once had a romance with this girl and she\'s probably still into me…]

[Elayne: Is she creepy?]

[Mark: Oh, no, no. I just… She\'s just very pushy about stuff.]

[Elayne: Hm… Well, maybe you have to talk with her and tell her that you can\'t reciprocate with her feelings anymore, if that\'s how you feel, of course.]

[Mark: Yeah, but it is easier said than done…]

[Elayne: Right…]

I guess the conversation got a bit too serious. Maybe I should add some sort of spice to make things better? But what?

Erm…

[Elayne: Well, I want to tell you that as a friend I\'ll be there for you if you need someone to talk about this stuff, Mark.]

[Mark: Really?]

[Elayne: Yeah, of course!]

[Mark: Thank you, Elayne… I am playing Brand New Life Online to cheer myself up. I\'ve found a lot of friends there… I wish you could play with me, it\'s a lot of fun, it\'s like… a whole different world, actually.]

[Elayne: It must be fun…]

Should I just tell him and get done with this mystery?

Ah… I can\'t, that would be too troublesome to explain and everything… and it might shift how he sees me a bit too much.

But at the same time, it might also make him happy to know I\'m playing the game with him, and that Planta is not just a stranger.

I also invited Rita so I fear she might end up spilling the beans and telling him about us playing the game, that would be quite troublesome as well…

Maybe I should tell him soon, but not now through some phone chat.