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Chapter 341: The Reason Why

LERRIN

"If you do not wish to listen, or to speak to me, you have only to say so, Lerrin. I submit. I will not fight your orders," Suhle muttered and began to turn away from.

Lerrin blinked, realizing where he was. He\'d fallen into the memory so deeply he\'d lost himself. When he saw Suhle beginning to leave it was instinct to take her arm, to catch her elbow—and he cursed himself the moment she flinched.

Yanking his hand back, he swore at himself for the fear he saw in her eyes. "Suhle, I would never hurt you," he whispered a moment later. "You do not need to fear me."

"You really do not understand, do you, Lerrin?"

His anger still simmered in his chest, but he knew he had to be patient with her. He couldn\'t send her out already shaking and fragile when she might meet one of those wolves… he growled, shaking his head and pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes.

Tell me what I do not understand, he sent. Tell me.

She turned back to face him, her beautiful face sad and still pinched with fear.

Please, Suhle! Explain to me why you fear me! I have never hurt you, and I never would!

She shook her head, her blond hair waving around her face. You are Alpha, and you still do not see… what you say, what you do, how you empower others… it has consequences.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" he spat. "You think I don\'t understand—"

Suhle shook her head and stepped back, putting further space between them. "I will speak to you tomorrow when you are calmer—"

"No, Suhle. Please." The urge was there to use his authority, to force her to obey. But deep within, his instincts screamed that if he were to do that, he would get his answers, but lose her trust. That she must share this of her own accord. He gritted his teeth and swallowed. "I will… try to calm. But please… explain to me what you see."

She folded her arms and frowned at the wall of the tent, obviously considering whether or not to speak. When she had decided she took a deep breath, and sent it so others would not hear.

I do not fear you, Lerrin. I do not fear you as a male. I sleep in your tent. I have not slept in the tent of with male present that was not family for years. You… you are a good male. I know this. That is not what I fear.

"Then what is it?"

She swallowed and took one step closer, but still kept herself out of arms reach.

I fear your rule.

He frowned. What do you mean? You said it was my purpose—

It is. Your purpose is to bring the wolves to their best. To return to them to the Light. But they spew darkness and you continue to swallow it.

"I do no such thing!" he snarled, then cursed himself again when she balked. He put his hands up, palm forward, and this time he took a step back. I will listen, he sent. Please, tell me.

Her jaw tightened and her shoulders went back. He caught a glimpse of the fierce female that hid beneath the hood and she was so stunning his mouth went dry.

I fear your choices, Lerrin. You gave the wolves permission to discard the boundaries of the Leonine King\'s rule. They threw away not only the…the oppression they felt of their tribe\'s secondary status, they threw away their commitment to honor and decency. They have become selfish, bloodthirsty. No female without rank is safe anymore.

"You\'re safe," he said quickly. "Always."

Now I am safe, Lerrin, because I am beside you. But when an Anima\'s safety has been removed from them once, they never truly feel safe again. So is it safety, really? Some of the males in this camp have given away the Light, while others stand by and let them do it. All under the banner of a revolution. Well, from where I stand, you are not fighting Reth, you are fighting the darkness in your own people. And you are. Not. Winning.

His breath came too quickly, rage bubbling beneath the surface, right along side fear, and disgust. "The males… there can\'t be that many—"

"How would you know. Have you looked? Have you asked?" she said through her teeth, her steely eyes locked on his.

Lerrin didn\'t drop her gaze, but his stomach flipped.

He hadn\'t. Not really.

I will not let you be hurt, Suhle, he vowed and took a step toward her, but she stepped back and shook her head.

So I enjoy safety while others are broken? That is not a life, Lerrin. That is not freedom. I have been free and this is not it.

He flinched like she\'d flicked water in his face. "What are you saying?"

She held his gaze and bared her teeth, but her words appeared in his mind through the mind-link, slashing at his belly with ruthless fangs.

I didn\'t feel this way in the Tree City.

And then she clawed his legs out from under him with a single thought.

I wish I could go back.

He staggered as if the blow were real.

"You dare…" he snarled. "You dare speak to me of that male, who murdered my father and my sister, who subjugated my people, then banished us… his is the rule you desire?!"

She blinked and turned away from him, rolling her shoulders forward, avoiding his eyes. "No, Lerrin," she whispered, then with a glance at the tent flap and likely a thought for the guards on the other side of it, she sent, I wish you would rule like that. Punish the callous and cunning. Reward the brave and kind. I wish my Alpha, you, were as ready to stand in the way for the weak—and that your people were as ready to listen.

"Get out."

The look she gave him wasn\'t frightened or angry. It was pained. As if he\'d hurt her. But his insides were torn apart by the claws of her words and he couldn\'t take any more. "Go find something else to do. Get out of my sight."