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Chapter 414: Heavy Breathing

ELIA

She startled when the door opened, but then she was flooded with relief to see Gahrye walk in, his face a thundercloud, but two large bags of books, one in each hand, that he brought straight towards her.

"I\'m glad you\'re awake," he said quietly. "I have something to tell you."

"What is it?" she croaked.

Gahrye stopped cold, then hurried across the floor. "What is it? Why are you pale? Are you sick? What\'s going on?"

He placed the bags—very carefully—on the coffeetable in front of where she sat, then joined her on the couch, putting a hand to her forehead and leaning in to smell her.

Elia still hadn\'t ever gotten used to that way of the Anima to use scent to determine what was going on with a person. But she shook her head and pushed him back without comment on that. They had bigger fish to fry.

"I shifted again," she said, then gulped.

Gahrye blinked. "But you got back. I mean—"

"Yes, but I don\'t know how, and I can feel it, Gahrye. I want to do it again. I\'m hanging on by my claws here. I\'ve been walking around in here and waiting for you guys to come back. I\'m too scared to leave the room. I almost didn\'t leave my bedroom just in case. But… I have to move and I feel ike being in the dark just makes me want to retreat more. I\'m just… I need something to distract me. Please? What have you guys been doing? What do you have to tell me? Did you find something?" she asked frantically, desperate for something, anything, that would relief this awful tugging and clawing inside her as the beast ravaged her insides, screaming for release.

She swallowed hard. Gahrye took her hand and took a deep breath. "Just breathe," he said quietly. "I don\'t know a lot about this, but I know being calm and unemotional is going to help as much as anything else. So just breathe, Elia. Just breathe."

She nodded and followed him in taking three or four deep breaths. It didn\'t really change how she wanted to shift, but it did help her think more clearly.

Gahrye stared at her worried. She squeezed his hand. "Tell me what you were going to tell me."

He swallowed then. "So, um, Kalle\'s grandmother found out about us today. It was an accident. But it must have been the hand of the Creator, because it turns out… Elia, there\'s a prophecy about two human females finding True Mates among the Anima—at the same time. It\'s got to be you and Kalle!"

Elia blinked. Of all the things she\'d thought he might have found… that wasn\'t it.

"Prophesied how? To do what?"

Gahrye grimaced. "We aren\'t really clear on that, we\'re hoping the hidden histories will reveal something—"

"Hidden histories?"

Gahrye rubbed his face. "I\'m doing this backwards. Listen: It turns out there\'s two different… I don\'t know, groups? Factions? In the Guardians. And Eve—Kalle\'s grandmother—is one that was charged with waiting for these prophesied females. When she learned that Kalle and I were True Mates, she led us to the hidden histories."

Elia whistled, and Gahrye nodded. "There\'s so much there, Elia, you wouldn\'t believe it. We brought a bunch home, but we have to be careful. Eve says my instincts about Shaw are right, that there\'s something off about him—she said not to let him know about these histories. He doesn\'t even know they exist. If he did, he\'d try to take them for himself and Eve believes there\'s stuff in there just for you and Kalle… or something. Like I said, we aren\'t completely clear on this yet. But we brought some of the books home. And… I\'ve been so frustrated, Elia, I\'m hoping this is it. I\'m hoping these books will hold everything we need. They have to, surely? If they knew you were coming?"

Elia sat back shaking her head. "That\'s crazy."

"I know." Gahrye reached for the bags of books, selecting one then digging through it to produce some books as he spoke. "I brought these just for you. They\'re about health and care and I hope they might have something that will help you. It\'s occurred to me that hopefully you\'re Anima enough that whatever helped them will help you."

He handed her two, smaller, thinner volumes than they normally found among the Anima materials. The covers were soft leather, rather than hard, and looked well thumbed and used. But even though the pages were yellowed with age, they didn\'t have that powdery, dusty feeling she\'d become accustomed to from the really old books. The paper was still strong, though it cracked somewhat when she opened the book.

"Will that be a good distraction?" Gahrye asked softly.

She looked up at him. He was staring at her, scared and pleading, and her heart went out to him. All at once she was overwhelmed with love and gratitude for the way he was always looking out for her and concerned for her. Tears welled in her eyes. "Oh, Gahrye, I\'m so sorry!" she threw herself into his chest and he oofed a little when she hit, but wrapped his arms around her.

"Hey, hey," he said softly, rubbing her back. "What\'s wrong?"

"You\'re just such a good friend… and I\'m pregnant… and I wish you could just be here and hang out with Kalle—but I\'m so glad that you\'re here for me and… it\'s all just too much!" she wailed.

Gahrye shushed her and held her and even though it wasn\'t comforting the way being held by Reth was comforting, she did feel better.

After a minute, she took a deep breath and swallowed the hiccups, wiping her tears away as she sat up and pulled the books back into her lap from where they\'d tumbled onto the couch.

"Thank you. And I\'m so glad that Eve had this for you. For us. I hope… I hope you\'re right, Gahrye. I hope this is the answer."

The beast within her suddenly snarled. It felt like claws ripped along the inside of her ribs and she gasped, grabbing at her chest. But as her body rippled and itched, she gritted her teeth and fought.

"Elia?" Gahrye whispered.

"It wants me to give in so badly," she replied, eyes screwed clothes. "I\'m fighting so hard, Gahrye."

"Keep fighting, Elia," he murmured, one hand rubbing her shoulder and side. "Keep fighting. We\'re going to figure this out."

Elia hoped so. She was starting to feel like maybe the fight wasn\'t worth it anymore. And that scared her.

She refused to let the beast win.

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