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Chapter 517: Torn Apart

ADMINISTRATION NOTE: For the next week or two I\'m going to try uploading the daily chapters a little earlier (4:30 and 5:30pm, Pacific) to make the content available to the East Coast readers at a more convenient time. On Webnovel, little details like upload times can have an impact on income, so this is an experiment to make sure I\'m not hurting Reth & Elia\'s audience. I\'ll let you know if it changes again!

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GAHRYE

It was an act of sheer self-discipline not to simply walk out of the cave and back to the Portal and go back to his mate. Watching Elia and Reth embrace, seeing the love in the eyes of the King, and the fear in Elia, knowing his own mate was floundering without him… and he without her.

He\'d been uncertain what to do when he finally reached home. Alone and in the dark, he\'d dropped Elia\'s bag off at the cave mouth, then taken the trails to go home, his head spinning with the sheer joy of being in the WildWood again—with its fresh air and the scents of everything natural.

It was late, but the market was alight with lanterns and noise, music—which meant they were feasting.

Reth hadn\'t been lying that the peace was new. It seemed like the entire city must have been at the Market, because there\'d been no one on the paths.

He almost walked into it. But he was dirty and tired and… utterly uncertain of himself.

It was strange. His time in the human world was already fading. The strength he\'d known there. Despite his confusion and lack of knowledge of the place, being among humans who were so weak, and their senses so diluted… he\'d felt strong. Afraid, certainly, of making the wrong decision. But not of being overpowered. He\'d never questioned that in any situation he could control whomever needed controlling.

And Kalle… her admiration and desire. The sheer joy she took in him… it had been a balm to his fear and insecurity about what to do with Elia.

When the Creator gave him this purpose, this prophecy, he hadn\'t wanted it truthfully, hadn\'t wanted a reason to have to stay in Anima without Kalle. But by the same token… he\'d seen his own value. Seen that he was needed. He felt purposeful.

But suddenly, being back here, knowing he was likely only minutes away from walking under the eyes of someone who looked at him and saw nothing but his inability to shift…. It was as if everything he\'d done, everything he had meant nothing again.

And his calling? His purpose? No one could know. He couldn\'t prove himself to be more than they\'d seen, because he couldn\'t tell them what he was there to do.

As he walked back into the Great Room of the cave where he\'d sat with Elia so many times, it was a relief to know the decisions for her care were back in Reth\'s hands—and that the King was grateful for what he\'d done. But it didn\'t change the fact that he was… worthless again.

The sound of sniffing behind him broke through his thoughts.

"What is that smell?" Aymora said. Gahrye turned to find her frowning, her nostrils flaring.

He looked down at himself, turning—and the twist of his body made the wound in his side sting. "Oh, it\'s something the humans put on a wound to stop infection. They call it disinfectant."

Aymora leaned in to sniff his side, then reared back. "It is very sharp. That must be the smell Reth mentioned on the other Silent One?"

Gahrye just shrugged. "I\'m sorry, I don\'t know."

Aymora frowned harder, then shook her head. "It does not matter. I only wished to tell you before you rest, you are a good male, Gahrye," she said quietly, rubbing his back as he dropped his bag onto one of the couches. "Thank you for bringing Elia back safely."

"Did I?" he grunted. "She seems… off."

Aymora hesitated. "She\'s acting differently than she did before you crossed the traverse?"

He ran a hand through his hair. "I don\'t know. She\'s been in beast form for so long… the last two times I\'ve seen her she\'s been falling apart, and only herself for a minute or so before she shifted again. She\'s really struggled, Aymora. I\'m worried… her mind…"

Aymora tsked. "Do not carry that. I do not think it has happened. She\'s far too alert. But even if it had, it wouldn\'t be your fault. She just spent months apart from her mate, pregnant and alone, in the human world. It would tear anyone apart."

Gahrye nodded sadly and looked down at his hands. They were dirty. He needed to clean. But where?

"Will you stay here?" Aymora asked kindly, tipping her head at the Great Room.

"I don\'t think I have any choice," he said. "My house… there was a family in it."

Aymora\'s eyes went wide. "Oh, that must have been a shock. I am sorry, Gahrye. With the war we had to pull in everyone from the outskirts and around the Wood… But your home can be returned to you tomorrow—or perhaps an even better one. I know Reth wants to honor the work you\'ve done to keep our Queen safe for these months."

Gahrye shrugged. "It doesn\'t really matter," he said and found that for once the words were true. It really didn\'t matter what home they gave him. Where he slept. What position he was given. None of it mattered if Kalle wasn\'t with him, or he with her.

But when would that be possible?

Aymora watched him for a moment. "Are you okay, Gahrye?" she asked carefully. "Are you hurting?"

He was, but not the way she thought. Gahrye eyed the wolf female that was settling herself onto a couch at the other end of the room and pretending she couldn\'t hear them. "I will be fine," he said honestly. "There\'s also nothing anyone can do about it. So… thank you for caring."

Aymora tsked again. "Of course there are things we can do—"

"Not right now," he said firmly. "Right now, I just want to bathe and sleep and… just rest."

Aymora tipped her head, then smiled and rubbed his arm again. "Why don\'t you go to the bathing pools? Reth won\'t be taking Elia there tonight. That will help you relax to sleep as well. We will be getting up every couple of hours, but you can ignore us. Sleep."

Gahrye said yes just so she would stop talking to him. He appreciated that she cared, and knew if he needed something he could go to her. But just then the only thing he wanted was Kalle. Or failing that, to be alone.

So, trying to ignore the waft of Kalle\'s scent that came when he opened his bag, he grabbed a change of clothes and bid both the females goodnight, then walked through the cave towards the bathing pools.

As soon as he pushed into the high, dark cavern of the bathing pools, with its pleasant rush of falling water splattering onto the rocks and running cool and fresh into the larger of the two pools, with the clouds of steam rising in waves, bringing with them the scent of the mineral pool, the glistening rock shining from the reflection of the shaft of moonlight that came from the hole above where guards could be seen standing over it… all he could think was how much Kalle would love it.

He remembered that first night she\'d taken him out to the forest, when he\'d needed to be outside so badly, and the memories of holding her there, kissing her, the yearning that welled up in his chest was a physical ache.

So, he didn\'t stop to enjoy the pools, or relax. He stripped off, lowered himself into the water and scrubbed at his skin, then immediately got out. There was a towel folded near the cave wall as he walked in, so he used it to dry himself, then got into his clean clothes with, with a heavy sigh, pushed the door back into the cave.

As he curled up on the couch trying not to be noisy to disturb the females who would have their sleep broken anyway, he stared at the cave ceiling and swallowed again, and again, and again.

But the pinch in his throat just wouldn\'t go away.