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Chapter 163: (12/23): Staying Together and Parting

Although vampires tended to be more active when it was dark, it didn’t mean they couldn’t operate during the day. With some effort, Lucienne managed to adjust her sleeping schedule to roughly match Ariel and Sariel, rising and sleeping as they did. However, thanks to her brief talk with Camilla, she stayed up late that night with her head full of spinning thoughts.

Although her mind was made up that staying with Camilla wasn’t for her, she couldn’t help but question if it really was the right thing to do, or the correct thing to do. It wasn’t right since she already pledged her loyalty to Camilla and Camilla had done so much for her that it will take her an eternity to pay her back. Leaving didn’t sit right with her sense of duty and honor.

But on the other hand, it didn’t seem like she meshed that well with Camilla. At first Lucienne didn’t notice since she had been layering a mask of her ideals over Camilla. As time went on, that mask wore away and she saw Camilla as who Camilla really was.

She had no business dictating who Camilla should be, but Lucienne simply didn’t agree since their priorities were different. Since their priorities were different, Lucienne believed that she had to leave, even if it wasn’t right to do so. At least, that’s the reason that she used to convince herself.

Unable to sleep from her stress, she tossed and turned in bed. On the bed across the room on the other side, the two girls that were the root of the issue were sleeping soundly. When Lucienne held her breath and listened, she could only hear the sound of one person.

Although the twins were so different in personality and talent, they were in sync in other ways. Sometimes, lying down at night like this, Lucienne worried that one of them might have stopped breathing in the middle of the night and she wouldn’t notice until morning came, and it was time to wake them up.

It was an unfounded fear, yet one that occasionally haunts her. She wouldn’t be able to bear it if she lost them.

Over the weeks of traveling, they grew closer. While Camilla has Kagriss, Lucienne didn’t really have anyone. Although Elyss was on good terms with her and sometimes tolerated her antics, Elyss was independent and aloof at heart.

A hole formed in her heart that was only filled when she met Ariel and Sariel, who had just lost their father and the other members of their caravan who they had known all their lives.

Although reality was nowhere as dramatic, Ariel and Sariel saved her in a way and now she loved them enough that Lucienne will never give them up for anything.

If it would result in a better, more stable future for them, then leaving with the twins was the correct choice for her.

The question remains about what she’ll do after, though.

For starters, income. She had to provide for Ariel and Sariel in order to give them a good life. That might not matter if Lavitte tries to recruit them as Celaen suggested, but Lavitte’s party was about to leave on their commission.

According to Celaen, the commission was a B-rank request, which meant it was way more dangerous than Lavitte’s party should be able to handle. Even if the request was jointly taken up by multiple C-rank parties, the danger remained.

If Lucienne was being really pessimistic, then she had to acknowledge the possibility that Lavitte might not return at all to make the offer. In that case, she’ll have to work herself to provide for Ariel and Sariel after leaving Camilla.

At this point, she allowed herself a little laugh. “Was this how those widows feel when they are raising their children by themselves?” The images of the stressed out and harried middle-age women she sometimes saw in the Moltrost markets came back to her.

Although it might be hard, Lucienne had confidence that she’ll be able to do it. Even by the standards here, she wasn’t weak at all. Even if she’ll never be as strong as Camilla, she’ll grow stronger with experience, and her skill with holy magic would make sure that she’ll be able to find work in various parties.

If hunting turns out to be too dangerous, Lucienne wasn’t opposed to learning another trade or line of work, as long as she could make enough to support Ariel and Sariel.

Anything worked for her.

With her resolve steeled, she closed her eyes and went to sleep. It was a slumber without dreams or troubles, quite different from the restless naps the previous night where she constantly woke for no reason at all.

The next day, it was the weight of two girls crawling on top of her and crushing down on her chest and legs that made her open her eyes and the sunlight streaming in through the open window made her vision flash. She groaned.

“Good morning, Lucy!”

“Mmm… Sari? No, Ari… can you get off me? Good morning.”

The girl on her chest pressed on even harder as she shifted her weight and just as Lucy thought that her lungs were going to be crushed out, the weight finally lifted off, following with the thud of bare feet on wood next to her. The weight on her legs remained through.

“You too, Sari. What are you two doing crawling all over me so early in the day?” Lucienne rubbed her eyes and sat up as Sariel joined her sister on the ground. “And wear your shoes,” she added, remembering the sound she heard while half asleep.

With a brief “oh,” Ariel scampered back to the side of her bed for her slippers. Of the two, the more mature one was Sariel, who naturally didn’t go without her shoes and was as best dressed as she could. Even now, she was in her outside wear while Ariel had on the thin gown she wore to bed.

Lucienne patted Sariel’s head as a reward while Ariel hurriedly changed, although Sariel didn’t seem that happy about it. It was Ariel that preferred such things. Lucienne retracted her hand.

“So where are we going today?” Sariel asked with a serious tone, staring intently into Lucienne’s eyes.

Seeing her like this the first thing after waking up always put Lucienne in a good mood.

Both the twins had something about them that was oddly adorable and Sariel had a habit of acting like a small adult with her mannerisms and strict and responsible personality. In comparison, Ariel was shy at first, but once she warmed up to someone, she revealed a more airheaded and cheerful side. One reason among many that Lucienne loved them.

Although just waking up left Lucienne’s thoughts muddled with sleep, she quickly got them into order. Several things came to mind, but they were quickly scattered when Ariel bounced up, having finished changing.

“I’m ready!”

She was dressed as Sariel was, in a pretty cotton shirt tucked into her pants, only her shirt was a darker red than Sariel’s. Both had on short capes made the pelt of a weak mana beast that had common variants near the city. Thanks to the residual magic from the beast, the cape was difficult to get dirty, easy to wash, and mostly rainproof, so it was perfect for wearing outside in all kinds of harsh conditions.

Lucienne’s mouth twitched. “The two of you are really eager. Where do you think we’re going that requires wearing something like that?”

Just walking around the city didn’t require anything that durable and the twins had prettier things to wear.

“It’s warm,” Sariel replied, pulling her cape tighter around her.

The logic made sense. It was already in the middle of fall in the north when she left Moltrost with Camilla and it has only gotten colder. However, powerful mages felt the elements less, so she didn’t notice.

“Before we go anywhere, there’s something I need to talk to the two of you about,” Lucienne said, leaning forward toward the two girls standing in front of her. As the words left her mouth, her heart was grasped by a feeling of nervousness, and her mouth and throat dried up.

Although she was resolved to leave for a better environment for Sariel and Ariel to grow up in, she had neglected to ask the children’s opinions. What if they didn’t want to leave?

She’ll want to stay, of course, since she didn’t really want Camilla and Kagriss to be the one raising the twins. Those two didn’t have the time and they moved around too much. But after making things tense between herself and Camilla, she didn’t know if Camilla would be willing to let her remain in the party.

There was a pitcher of water on the counter that had been filled the night before and after pouring herself a glass from it both to quench her thirst and to stall for time, Lucienne found the girls were huddled together talking about something in the brief time she took her eyes off them.

She didn’t feel nervous anymore.

“… Sari, Ari…”

“Hey, why is her name first again?” Ariel complained.

Lucienne sighed, a bit more of her discomfort chased away. “Ari,” she said, and the girl perked back up while her sister rolled her eyes next to her. “What do you think about Camilla?”

“What do we think?” they asked in confusion.

That was a vague question, and it wasn’t a good question in the first place, so Lucienne tried again. “I mean, well, do you like staying with her?”

Although Lucienne could’ve just asked if they’d rather be with her or with Camilla, she was afraid of the answer. She was just stalling for time again and for a moment she wondered if her worries were for nothing given how the girls stuck to her.

They stared at her with their dark, clear eyes as she waited for their answer, her hands knotted together beginning to sweat. She knew that they were just thinking about the question and their answers, yet their silence was intimidating.

When they answered, Sariel went first. “Well, Camilla is nice to us.”

“She gave us the money to buy all this, didn’t she?” Ariel added.

Lucienne nodded. “So then?”

“She’s really nice?”

For a moment, Lucienne was speechless. “Don’t you have anything else to say?”

The twins looked troubled, unsure of their words. They felt about some other property they thought Camilla possessed before Ariel looked up with shining eyes. “Ah, I got it! She’s really cool.”

“Even cooler than me?”

Ariel patted Lucienne on the back. “Maybe…”

Lucienne felt her heart crack into pieces. But that reply was to be expected since she was a worse fighter than Camilla after all. She just didn’t think the twins would be so frank and honest in front of her. Ariel continued to comfort her with long soothing strokes down her back, and even Sariel joined in after a bit of hesitation.

“Don’t worry, we still like you better! No matter how cool she is, she’s still too distant, unlike you; you’re warm and always close to us, so don’t worry too much about it, Lucy,” Ariel said, and hugged her.

The sudden embrace and consoling caught Lucienne off guard. She stiffened, only to quickly relax when warmth enveloped her. Even without her asking directly, her feelings and worries reached the twins, and Ariel allayed her greatest fear.

The warmth filled her with courage, enough courage to ask the final and most important question. She pushed Ariel back to look at the twins with serious gazes. The hesitation that fell over her at the last-minute left as quickly as it came, and she licked her lips that had dried again.

“If I parted with Camilla and left the party, would you come with me?”

As soon as the words left her mouth, Lucienne tried to claw them back, the courage from before vaporizing. What if the girls said no? But once spoken, words could never be recovered.

The twins froze at the question.

“W-what kind of question is that?” Ariel asked, suddenly flustered. “Are you leaving?”

“Leaving… does that mean you won’t come?” Lucienne asked. Her heart tightened.

“I didn’t say that…”

Before Ariel could finish, Sariel cut in, as candid and straightforward as always. “Lucy, if you leave, I’m coming with you if you’ll take me,” she said.

“Hey, that’s not fair. I’m coming too, Lucy. You’re not allowed to leave me behind!” Ariel cried, pushing in front of Lucienne, vying for attention. “Lucy, where are you going? Can we come?”

Faced with the twin’s respective reactions, Lucienne found herself blushing and she realized how silly she had been. All her worries from before were solved, just like that. Although Sariel wasn’t as outwardly expressive as her sister, Lucienne still felt the hot, expectant gazes of the twins on her.

She managed to relax with a big sigh and pulled the two of them close. “I definitely will, I promise. So the both of you, stay with me, okay?”

Her words almost formed a desperate plea, one that asked them to stay with her not only now, but from now on. Eventual separation didn’t even register in her mind.

The girls in her embrace nodded and Lucienne felt giddy with relief. Asking the question had been so stressful before, but now that it was all over, it felt like a wave of some mix of emotions flooded over her mind and left her weak and relaxed.

“Thank you…”

The twins’ willingness to stay with her, trust in her, gave her a greater confidence that what she was doing wasn’t wrong. In turn, she had to repay and live up to that trust. Now all that was left was to work things out with Camilla.

The prospect didn’t seem all that terrifying anymore.

———

So-called demons, what she used to call the non-human people that lived beyond the human borders, had a high affinity for magic due to growing up in an environment rich in mana and being exposed to magic from a young age.

As a result, there were many places to practice magic, especially fortified to withstand any accidents a beginner mage might create. Such places also provided a gathering place for mages to meet and make friends.

After putting Sariel and Ariel in one of the rented practice rooms, correcting mistakes they made, Lucienne arranged to meet with Camilla. Whether or not Camilla brought Kagriss was up to Camilla.

Right before noon, they met in a small café in a quiet part of the city. It was a decent distance away from commercial centers and the district the café sat in was a sleepy place filled with modest, homely houses.

When Lucienne walked in five minutes before the agreed-upon time, she found Camilla already sitting in one of the booths, sipping on a pink drink filled with ice. Another glass of plain water sat next to her. Camilla looked distracted, staring out the window, but when Lucienne followed Camilla’s gaze, she found nothing of interest.

It was only when Lucienne slid into the seat across from Camilla did the vampire lord turn toward her neither quickly or slowly, not surprised at all despite her apparent inattention. Camilla pushed the water toward her.

“Thank you. You’re early,” Lucienne said as she accepted the water.

“So are you… Lucienne.”

Lucienne was speechless. Being five minutes early was only polite, but Camilla was here long before, having had time to order a drink and be halfway done with it by the time Lucienne arrived. But that wasn’t the only reason that Lucienne remained silent.

A little lateness to a gathering of friends didn’t matter as much as when meeting strangers. Being early to a meeting was being polite, but that kind of politeness was most important when meeting strangers and acquaintances. That both of them chose to come early showed how far apart they drifted.

Something was different about Camilla today, though. The aura of perfection that Lucienne was so used to Camilla giving off was nowhere to be felt and it was a bit disorienting. It was like a part of Camilla was missing.

Camilla picked up her straw and stirred her drink, the little cubes of ice clinking against the sides of the glass. The sound reminded Lucienne of her own drink and she took a sip of the cold water sitting in front of her.

The ice was filled with mana, a sure sign that it was magical in nature. Although Lucienne couldn’t see the owner of the café, she could still feel the presence of someone in the back of the cafe. The owner or some other worker here had an affinity for ice.

Her mind was wandering, and she quickly regained hold of herself when she noticed before Camilla noticed.

After one more sip, Camilla put her drink to the side and sat up straight, although she did not look Lucienne in the eyes. Her fingers drummed on the table in a strange beat that Lucienne could not find a pattern to.

“Lucienne… you’re leaving, aren’t you? You’ve made up your mind.”

They had already gone over this before and given their current distance, it wasn’t that surprising that Camilla managed to guess why Lucienne arranged this meeting. Lucienne nodded. “Yes. Sariel and Ariel are coming with me.”

“I see. It’s good that they decided to follow you,” Camilla said. She paused for a moment, her face scrunching up in pain, as if she were bracing for something, or she was about to say something unpleasant. Lucienne tensed, waiting. “By the way… you never told me why you were leaving… I know it’s because of me, but I don’t really know why.”

Not only was the dominating aura that Camilla was perpetually cloaked in gone, but she also shrank before Lucienne’s eyes. Lucienne almost thought she was seeing wrong, but when she blinked, what she saw was still in front of her.

Camilla was actually hunching down in her seat, her eyes looking everywhere but at Lucienne. A shadow of how Ariel used to be appeared behind her.

Lucienne swallowed, unsure what to do when faced with such a Camilla.

How was she supposed to answer that question she was just given like this? Camilla was being so sincere, even showing a vulnerable side she usually kept hidden.

She gritted her teeth, the complaint she had seeming minor, as if she had blown it all out of proportion. Lucienne had to convince herself that it was a valid concern for Ariel and Sariel’s future if nothing else. “I think you don’t care about us,” she said. “About me, Sariel, and Ariel.”

Camilla’s eyes widened, but she said nothing as Lucienne continued.

“Ever since you picked them up, you pushed them on to me. What if I had been a bad influence?”

“I trust that you won’t be a bad influence,” Camilla said, meeting her eyes at last. Lucienne froze as she felt a bit of Camilla’s dominance return in her gaze. “That’s why I freed you and took you with me when I left, because I admire the values you have that exemplifies what a templar should stand for, even though the Order no longer holds it.”

The compliment made Lucienne blush, but even if she was embarrassed, she was still upset. “But that doesn’t mean you can just leave them all to me. You don’t even ask me about them. Do you even care about them?” she asked, weaving back to how this all started.

Camilla hesitated. Lucienne waited with bated breath for the answer, after all, it was the root of the issue. Finally, the vampire lord sitting in front of her with a pink drink resting next to her shook her head. It was a single motion, yet it validated all of Lucienne’s suspicions and sank a stone deep in her stomach.

“You never cared?”

“Never is not quite right. I tried at first, but as time went on, they didn’t appear in my thoughts as much.”

“Don’t try to put it like you didn’t have a choice! If you…” Did care, you would have thought of them… The words died in Lucienne’s throat as she realized she was simply repeating what caring meant.

Camilla didn’t care, therefore she stopped thinking about the girls. She stopped thinking about the girls, therefore she didn’t care anymore. It went in circles, and it all stemmed from Camilla’s indifference.

“But why would you pick them up?”

“Well, what else would you have me do, leave them in the village?” Camilla asked. “Even taking them to a random city on the way would be better, but by the time we reached one…” she trailed off, but Lucienne knew what was left unsaid.

By the time they passed by another city, one that was big enough that a proper home for the two girls wouldn’t be impossible to find, Lucienne had already gotten used to having them around. She had begun teaching them magic and playing with them. In other words, she had gotten attached.

Camilla never cared, but she never intended to keep them around in the first place. While Lucienne wasn’t happy, at least now she knew why.

Biting her lips, she nodded, accepting Camilla’s reason.

“By the way,” she said after taking a deep breath. “What do you find most important?”

Camilla blinked. “That’s easy. Kagriss first by a long shot, and only after other things, like my mission and other people.”

“You’re not holding back, are you.”

“Well, we’re having a heart to heart. I don’t think pulling any punches with my words will help in this case.” Camilla looked unsure, but the doubt faded after Lucienne nodded in agreement.

In the end, Lucienne realized that compared to Kagriss, nothing else mattered to Camilla. From Camilla’s words, if she had to choose between completing the mission, and Kagriss, Camilla will choose Kagriss without a doubt.

Everything and everyone else, including Lucienne and the twins, came as distant contenders.

Where had that sense of duty from when Camilla was the templar commander gone? Lucienne did not know, but it wasn’t like she didn’t understand. It went the same place hers went after she found Sariel and Ariel.

Framing the whole problem like that made Camilla easier to forgive in Lucienne’s heart, and at the same time she confirmed that they could be together no longer. Their priorities differed too much.

It didn’t take long after that to conclude everything. She learned everything she set out to know and confirm and after a few more questions, Camilla was satisfied. When they parted at the door, Camilla gave her all the money that she was owed for the mission.

But after walking a while and looking back at Camilla who still stood by the café, looking much tinier in the distance, Lucienne had a feeling that even after she moved out of the inn and settled down for good in the city, she will be seeing Camilla again in the future. It was just a guess, but it felt almost like a certainty.