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Chapter 162 The hurt of being immersed in love

It was okay to be a concubine for her. He treated her so tender that he must give her a great space. He won’t force her to do something against her will. And he would give her a peaceful life. Besides, she didn’t love him. She needn’t to worry how to get her husband’s attention from other concubines and get into endless family feud. Even if he slept with others everyday of a year, she wouldn’t feel bad, because she didn’t love him.

While Meng Xuan must have no feeling for her, or else he would come to see her in three years.

How good it was! Two close people who didn’t have affections spent their life with each other. He would give her a peaceful and cozy life, and she would give him a little help in need. He had “died” at the first year of the reign of the Jianwen Emperor, so he didn’t know that Jianwen Emperor and Lord Yan could fight for the throne in the future. She could base on the history she had known to help him avoid dangers and get promotion.

How useless love was! The one who fell in love first was the loser. In her previous life, she had loved Zhu Quan fondly, while it turned out that it was a joke. She didn’t know Zhu Quan. What did she love about him?

So, it was the best that helpmates had no feelings for each other… She and Meng Xuan would cooperate naturally and become an enviable and wise couple like she and Qing’er... Qing’er often said that she would marry He Danggui only if she was a man… He Danggui thought in this way. She thought it was an excellent idea. That she and Meng Xuan could benefit mutually and all get what they wanted.

Before she couldn’t help asking him to marry her, Meng Xuan talked first with a strong accusatorial tone which almost made her fall into the ground to ease his anger.

She was stunned by his tone. Where was her gentle and civilized master?

Meng Xuan asked her why she didn’t tell him that she had been saved his life; why she was so mysterious.; why she could foresee everything; why she was so mature. He asked her who she was. He also asked her why he gave his heart to her, but her eyes were always not looking at him!

She looked at Meng Xuan who was heating her feet unbelievably. He was not the same person she knew. He was totally Duan Xiaolou with Meng Xuan’s appearance!

He was manic, fretful and resentful. His eyes were full of hurtfulness. He said that he “gave his heart” to her. Could she understand that he liked her a little bit? She told him timidly that she didn’t know that he liked her. While, she thought in her mind, “Does he really like her? Don’t deny it. Don’t deny it…”

Not only did he deny it, but he accused her apathy. He also blamed her that she didn’t stay at home, and seduced Bai Yangbai, Duan Xiaolou, Peng Jian, Gao Jue, and him! He complained that she was amorous, and mentioned Zhu Quan, the nightmarish name, repeatedly! Three years ago, he not only taught her martial arts, but also tailed after her and spied on her to figure out which men she had been contacted! Oh! Was he the tender boy on her mind who could save her out of the miserable life?

He Danggui thought that she and he were naturally tacit. So, although she wasn’t familiar with him, she knew his disposition and temperament. Wasn’t he a mild gentleman? When did he become the second Duan Xiaolou?

He acted like this, so did Duan Xiaolou. They all blamed for her indifference. Was her too indifferent or they asked too much? When did they act like this? When she met Duan Xiaolou firstly, he smiled innocently. He looked at her and said “interesting”. Why couldn’t she and Duan Xiaolou be “interesting” friends all the time? When did Duan Xiaolou always be sad when he met her? In the beginning, he wanted to marry her as his wife. But when his mother asked him to marry Guan Yun as his wife, he wanted her to be his concubine. Even worse, he framed her and just wanted her to ask for his help.

Were they naturally bossy, or she changed them?

What did she do wrongly? Why did they like two injured leopards and want torn her apart? Even if she had messed with Duan Xiaolou and told him that she could consider his proposal, but she never fell in love with Meng Xuan and talked about marriage. She just wanted to grab a lifesaver, and he was willing to play this role. Why did he change his role?

Looking at the abnormal Meng Xuan, He Danggui felt sorry and sad for him. In the meanwhile, she told herself that every single man was better than Zhu Quan. She could marry any man expect Zhu Quan, if there were emergency. If Duan Xiaolou wasn’t that man, why not him? Now that he extremely liked her even he wanted to bite her. So, she had a way to make him dislike her eventually, as if she did the same to Duan Xiaolou.

Then, she analyzed Meng Xuan’s attitude. She said that she had already engaged. As expected, he responded what she wanted eagerly. He said that he would ask his father to propose a marriage to her. He Danggui was relived. This conversation she had expected for a year. She could eat more two bowls of rice at dinner with this pledge.

When she wanted to verify his words–well, she became greedy suddenly. She asked him if she could be his wife, and if his father would agree. Meng Xuan was stunned clearly for a moment. That was a long moment. She heard that a sparrow was caught by a goshawk, and heard the beating of wings behind her.

Well, she asked too much. It turned out that he asked his father to “talk about a marriage”, and he really just talked about it. Like Duan Xianlou, he couldn’t decide who his wife was, but he made a promise to her. When he knew that a noble lady would be his wife, he wasn’t surprised at all, as if he had already seen the consequence. He just told her how deep his love was to her. And he said that no matter who would be his wife, he would give his best love to her.

At that time, she found out that Duan Xiaolou didn’t intend to marry her as his wife at all. In other words, he had been accepted the reality that she would never be his wife. But he still used this sweet bait to lure her into his trap.

Duan Xiaolou expressed his love incoherently to her, while she was as cold as a handful snow of Changbai Mountains. Her tender voice was like a knife. She said to him, “Sorry, Duan Xiaolou, I don’t like you at all. So, your ‘best love’ means nothing to me. When you said you wanted me to be your wife, I said yes because I was touched. Well, you know that I just have a few chances to be someone’s wife because of my background. Now that I can’t be your wife, we break up peacefully. Master Duan, you should go back to the capital since your affairs in Yangzhou City have been done.”

Duan Xiaolou had gone with a broken heart. Before he had gone, he told her as long as she met any trouble, she could ask him for help. He would help her no matter where he was. What a kind person. He needn’t to be kind with her. She was just a gloomy person who stood in the dark and stared at those people walking under the sunlight like him. Duan Xianlou had left at dusk. And she had tears with joy because she had got rid of him.

At the beginning, Meng Xuan went crazy. He shouted and shook her, as if he liked her a lot. She was a little bit touched, and she even thought that the scene which she swore at the Shui Shang Temple. She wanted to look for a husband who could grow old together with her. Was Meng Xuan the right person? However, he didn’t reach the range that he loved her so much that he wanted marry her as a wife firmly, and won’t marry others from now on.

“Meng Xuan, actually I just asked it. Why didn’t you coax me? In fact, I coaxed you. Hearing that you didn’t have rights to choose your wife, I treated you like to Duan Xiaolou. But, in order to get rid of Zhu Quan by using you, I pretended to be close with you and love you so much.” He Danggui thought.

Whatever, she should be grateful that before she was fond of him, he didn’t love her so much that he wanted to marry her as his wife.

It was good. He was just a suitable Go stone for her to help her get out of the trap. Since he said he liked her too, she must get together with him. Before he left Yangzhou City, she must be “the General Meng’s concubine”.

Now that he didn’t want her to get close with Bai Yangbai, she should follow his will. He asked Bai Yangbai to “be careful for the lines between man and woman”. Did he imply that she was dissolute? She should pretend a polite and mannered girl in front him, so that he had no doubt about her chastity. And he would marry her as his concubine to protect her.

Night fell, and all the plants in the valley were shaking because of the north wind. Only the three people stayed silently.

Meng Xuan frowned and looked at He Danggui with confusions. The reason why he blamed Bai Yangbai was that he wanted He Danggui to argue with him. Since the she had argued with him just now, she didn’t talk to him. He remembered three years ago, every time he had blamed Bai Yangbai like that, she always defended for Bai Yangbai. Why didn’t she defend for Bai Yangbai today? Was she mad at him? And didn’t she want to talk to him?

Meng Xuan was regretful. Although it was his fault to argue with her, how could she let Duan Xiaolou climb the Luo’s Mansion’s wall to meet her? He believed her ethic, and she didn’t do something wrong with Duan Xiaolou. But Duan Xiaolou had feeling for her. The spectator saw most clearly. He knew that Duan Xiaolou’s eyes were more and more torrid, and so did his behaviors. Sooner or later, Duan Xiaolou would show off! The girl was cleverest and the most vigilant. How could she let a prepared leopard go to her bedroom frequently?

Three years ago, he had leaked his secret that he had been lived twice inadvertently. He thought that she would have thought that he was lying, but she believed him constantly. So, he pleaded her to keep his secret and told her what had happened to him in the previous life. He wanted her to know, although he was younger than Duan Xiaolou, he was more mature and tenderer than him. At that time, his means, ability, and influence couldn’t compete with Daun Xiaolou’s, but someday he would be a more reliable person than him.

However, on the second day after he told her his secret, Duan Xiaolou hugged her for some reasons. And she didn’t struggle at all. Why did she be so meek? She let him hug because of transmitting Zhenqi. And they were in kids’ body. She let Duan Xiaolou hug her because she liked him, right?

At that time, he just looked on and didn’t pull her away, or queried her at night. Because he was in a kid’s body. There were many aspects he couldn’t compare with Duan Xiaolou. And he thought that she was a kid, so she didn’t want to marry someone so early. So, he chose to leave and made her miss him, so that he could become more powerful to protect her and could propose to her in the Luo’s Mansion.

He shed blood in the battlefield and grew up while being engaged in hot battle. Besides, he expanded his force in the Jianghu and imperial court.

During the three years, he didn’t think of her. At the beginning, he controlled his mind to stop thinking about her. And he recited all kinds of spells to banish her in his mind. Then, he didn’t think of her gradually. Later, when he tried to remind her face, her face was just a pretty face in the many beautiful faces that he had met before. Except those eyes which were cold as a spring. In fact, she was not that special.

He told himself again and again that she was just a clever and beautiful girl. There were so many women in the world. He barely contacted with them, so he was attracted by her irresistibly. Now he was not like that anymore, why did he frustrate because of her? When he met a suitable woman, he would find out that all the affections like flowers and the envies like poisonous herbs were the inverted reflection in water. He had been experiencing unrequited love which was far from the real love. Yes, it must be like this.

Under his own hypnosis, he didn’t like a cold girl like her. Every year when he went back to the capital during the festival, his mother often found any kinds of excuses to let him meet all kinds of ladies. Some were tender like the water; some were passionate like the flame; some were both tender and passionate. So, he told himself repeatedly that these ladies were all fine. It was time to choose one among them to be his wife. He was over thirty years old after adding his previous life’s years, and he could marry someone as his wife.

Every time he passed Yangzhou City, he would detour, and his heart was peaceful. So, he told himself in relief. Look, he did it. The life was too short, and there were so many things to see and to do. Why did he trap for a woman? Besides, she didn’t look at him and treated him as a stranger.

He thought in relief that he let things over now. Even if he passed by her window, he could walk away peacefully. Next time when he talked to her face to face, he also could continue the conversation without quaver. Like an old friend, he could greet to her with a smile. “Hey, girl. Do you remember me? I’m Meng Xuan. We played together when we were kids. I didn’t expect that you were here. What a coincidence!”

Afterwards, he really met her face to face.

He had forgotten her, and didn’t want to see her anymore. Why the destiny arranged this?

He attended a Wulin bash in Yangzhou City. He solaced himself before he left. Yangzhou was a big city. He might not meet her even if he toured ten days. President Bai invited him to visit Chengxu Academy and admired a hundred-year ancient sword. He accepted it for no reason. It was a very rare sword which was hard to see.

In his chamber in the separate courtyard, he took a wisp of her hair with “Carefree Fragrance” on it. The hair which was stolen by him when she fell asleep. He kissed her hair and told himself that he would be back as soon as possible. He would go nowhere expect President Bai’s room. She was often absented, so he wouldn’t meet her. Maybe she had left Chengxu Academy. Maybe she was proposed by someone and prepared her wedding in her home.

He didn’t like her already. There were so many women in the world like her. If he sought carefully, he would find another one.

He thought he didn’t like her, until he saw her face. He just took a look at her cold face, and his heartache which suffered three years was cured. The big hole in his heart was filled instantly.