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Sanji fidgeted a bit, looking like a nervous little girl in front of her crush. I had no memory about Sanji acting this way. No matter what happened, Sanji was a strong man. I barely remembered anything that could make him devastating.

What had happened to him actually?

“I’m fine. Sorry to make you see me in this state. I’ll visit you again next week after I feel better.” Even the way he smiled had changed.

I looked around his small room. There was no sigh he was being haunted, or shadows disturbing him. I needed to remind myself that Sanji was an excellent exorcist, how could shadows and ghosts disturb him?

So, what caused his change?

“His spiritual flow is in disorder. That’s why he looks like it.” I heard Siji’s voice talking from my back.

I frowned. “What happened?” I asked. Disorder spiritual flow? What could be the cause?

As I voiced out the question, Sanji must be thinking that I was asking him, but Siji knew best that I was actually asking him.

.....

Sanji sighed. “Come inside.” He turned around and the way he walked made my heart ached.

How come he walked like an old man? Staggering and slow.

I followed him and sat on the only chair in the room while Sanji took a seat on his own bed, leaning against the wall then releasing a sigh of relief. All the while, Siji kept talking to me.

“I guess he joined the recruitment to be General.” He said. He said ‘he guess’ but I was sure he had known it from the beginning.

“What general? What recruitment?” This time I used our special link to deliver my question. I didn’t want Sanji to be suspicious of me.

“Well, seeing the effect it had on him, I guess he was recruited to join the test for General of White Army.” Siji answered in a low tone.

See? He had known from the start that Sanji joined the recruitment, that was why he said Sanji was fine. Now everything made sense. As the Adviser of White Army, how come he didn’t know who joined the test?

But, why didn’t I get the notice? When did the test start? As the Master of White Army, why was I clueless about it? Wasn’t a General a vital part of the army? Then, how come I was not noticed about the test? Or had it always been this way since the beginning?

“Milady, the test itself is not something we can do whenever we can. We only get the sign from the universe and prepare the necessities. Every candidate is brought to the test location by the will of the universe itself. Just like how you’re chosen to be the Master, we also don’t know who would be selected to follow the test.” As if knowing what I had in mind, Siji explained patiently.

I still had a lot in mind about the test, but I decided to wait until I could find the way to help Sanji. “Then, tell me, is there any way to fix his spiritual flow?”

“Unless he finds the peace of his mind, his spiritual flow will always be in disorder.” Siji replied calmly.

Heh, the peace of his mind? It sounded easy but I knew dealing with mental, mind, or spiritual was never easy.

“What exactly did he do that he upset his spiritual flow?”

“I have no idea about it, Milady. I only know their first test is about Soul Endurance.”

Ah. Soul Endurance? Even if I didn’t know how the real test was, I could vaguely guess the content. Of course, from the name itself it was pretty clear; Soul Endurance was to test the strength of one’s soul or mentality. If someone didn’t have a strong endurance under strong pressure or mental attack, I was sure that person would be a goner soon. Seeing that the person’s field of expertise would be related to ghosts and any astral beings, no wonder they would put this skill in the test.

So, whatever the content was, I could imagine how hard it was for Sanji to experience it. No wonder he looked so haggard like a drug-addict when in reality he was only feeling stressed or maybe a bit mental disorder.

Ah, my bad. I wasn’t supposed to say he had mental disorder, right? My bad.

The question was... how could he find his peace of mind? How could I tell him that he needed to find something called his peace of mind?

I didn’t realize I had a deep frown on my face until Sanji poked my frown with his finger. I was startled but then I saw him smiling gently, as if he was trying to ease my worry.

“Don’t worry. I’ve told you that I’m fine, right? I will be fine. Don’t keep frowning unless you want to have wrinkles on your face.” He said jokingly.

I sighed. He was always like this. He didn’t want to see me in trouble. Even when he was in trouble, he would make sure he didn’t trouble me. Sanji was so mature, but sometimes I just wanted him to stop comforting me when he was the one needed the comfort the most.

That’s why, I decided to give it a try. I wouldn’t tell him everything, but I would ask him to blindly trust me. Not a good idea, I knew, but it was not impossible.

“Sanji, if you don’t want me to worry about you, how about you listen to me?” I leaned forward as I scooted closer and kept my eyes on him. “I know it might sound weird, but don’t ask anything, please. Just follow my instruction. I know what you’ve been through and I know it can be a bit traumatized for you, but I need you to think of something positive. I know you are a strong man, you can easily walk out of your nightmare if you want to. Just remember, no matter how realistic they are, they are just nightmare. You wake up, you’re fine, you’re alive. You...”

I was babbling. Even though I had said that I would give it a try, to ask him to walk out from his fear, but in the end, I was only uttering nonsense. I said what came into my mind. As long as it could lift his mood and give him a booster to change for the better, I didn’t think twice.

I mean, I had bad experience, too. I remembered I was scared of Kunti when she first appeared with her hideous appearance. Even though she had me looked at her to let me get used to her appearance, still there was fear lingering in my deepest heart. But, what used of fear when I couldn’t save Senior Rizal? What’s more scary than watching someone being tortured to death right in front of your eyes? After that time, I didn’t find them overly scary and I could walk past them without any changes on my expressions.

Sanji must be like that, too. He must have experienced something bad that made him unable to sleep and looked all hideous like this. I just wanted him to conquer his fear, to walk out from his scary experience and assure himself that he was fine, to take full control of his emotions. But, I was really bad with words. I tried to talk it out, but I didn’t know if my wish was conveyed to him successfully or not.

I kept talking, half-scolding, half-begging him to wake up and face the world. I watched as his almost dull eyes started to regain its mischievousness. The light started to return to his eyes and his smile started to look sincere and not forced anymore. His previous pale look began to regain its color. I didn’t know which part of my speech was able to touch his heart, but I was happy he was back.

“Jane.” He called out softly before I finished speaking nonsense.

“Huh?” I stopped talking and looked at him in confusion. “What?”

Before I could react, Sanji had pulled me into his embrace. “Thank you.” He whispered.

I blinked my eyes, didn’t know how to react to his embrace. It was too sudden!

“I get it. I promise I’ll get better soon. You don’t have to worry so much. You’re starting to be talkative when you don’t know what to do. Do you know you’re bad at comforting people? But, even though you’re bad at it, I don’t mind it. You’re adorable when you try to comfort people which will end up in a long speech. Even though I don’t mind listening to your speech, but I can’t help it since you’ll grow impatient and worry so much if I don’t respond. So, as much as I want you to stay and talk to me, I know that you’re right. I’ll fight my fear. After I get better, then I’ll listen to you.”

Sanji talked so much that I had a hard time processing what he was saying while I was still in his embrace. Not helping at all. My mind was divided either to listen to what he was saying or to think about what I should do after he hugged me.

In the end, I couldn’t say anything, and I couldn’t push him away. My mind was still in chaos, and as if hugging me was not enough... he kissed me!

“Thank you.” He whispered again.