YM778.TV Chapter 269 Sadness!
"You have received a lot of things from the floor below, so I guess it won\'t be fair if I don\'t give you something, too. As for what I will give you… I will unlock your emotions… your emotion of Sadness."
With my eyes wide open, I just kept looking at her for the next few moments. Words failed to come out of my mouth and I saw her moving towards me.
She was smiling, but it was a smile of grief… I saw her trembling a little before she reached closer to me and touched my cheeks gently with her hands.
Her eyes were shaking and silent, then she muttered," Using the remnant power of the Former Fragment of Space… I unlock your emotion of Sadness.."
And then…
-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It hurts… not just my brain… not just my head… it was deep inside my heart… it was emotionally draining for me… I felt like dying, killing myself… I felt like I had lost everything in my life.
The time my best friend died… that time Elle died… that time Lucia betrayed me… that time Lucas defeated me… I should have done something… I should have said something… I should-
She hugged me… Ziana hugged me… tears were falling from my eyes and I couldn\'t control them… I felt like breaking from the inside.. How many times had I lost people that I SHOULD HAVE SAVED!!!!
I hugged Ziana back tightly and started crying like a baby… everything hit at once… I don\'t know if my brain can take it or not..
"Rejection Fragment: I reject-" I was about to reject all these emotions, but Ziana stopped me. She placed her hands on my mouth shushing me and slowly spoke as she looked at me with an emotional face,
"It is all right. Take it in… feel it… don\'t reject your own emotions… accept it… ****... I trust you… I believe if it is you, then you can do it…"
While I was the one who was feeling all the pain, she looked at me as if she were equally damaged emotionally. I looked at her for a few moments and nodded with a teary face as I was still crying…
"But.. but… but… they died… I could have saved them… I should have been the one that had died-"
"Hey… you got the chance to save everyone again, don\'t you? Trust me love, I will be there with you helping you out until you take control over your sadness," she spoke as she looked at me with a slight smile, but the tears on my face that kept running down made her heart ache.
Continuously wiping my tears, I cried like a baby as I tried my best to speak,"I… will save them… I will save everyone… for what the Parasites have done… I will make them pay… I will…. I will… Awaah!!!!!!"
It was hard… I felt like I had lost everything at once…. All this time I felt like I was emotionless… all this time, whenever I lost someone… It didn\'t hurt, but… now it was coming back… all of it… at once.
From the time where I couldn\'t save Clair to the time where I committed suicide and let myself die… It hurts… I want to go back and save everyone… undo the mistakes that I had already made…
"But… but… they hate me… I can\'t… I can\'t bear to face them… I betrayed them… I killed millions…just why did I do that? What exactly made me a monster like that… just why?!!!!! AAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!" I wasn\'t a white paper or saviour of humanity…
I have killed thousands of people… I had betrayed hundreds of people… I wanted to die… I wanted to die… I felt like a pathetic piece of sh*t…
Ziana was there, gently patting my back as she hugged me tightly. Perhaps because she was there, I was able to control myself a little… though not being able to take anymore; I lost my consciousness…
I had a dream…. I killed those I had saved in this timeline too… Everyone was dead…
And then I woke up again…
"AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" I shouted as I woke up before looking at the surrounding garden. Ziana was still there looking at me, trying to help me out, but looking at her, I recalled all the memories… Everything came back… and once again… It started hurting…
My brain was getting dizzy… I started crying again… I was shouting again… it was aching all over my body…
"It\'s okay… it is decades worth of pain… it\'s going to take some time to sink in…" Ziana spoke as she looked at me before I nodded at her with a tear filled fear stricken face…
And then.. I lost my consciousness again…
The nightmare came again…
I woke up again…
I cried again…
I lost consciousness again…
After an unknown amount of time, when I started gaining my sanity back as I fought with my own demons… as I kept trying and trying… as I accepted my own faults… I let it all sink in…
I felt like a pathetic doll that had broken down into pieces… but I was alive… I was still living…
"You look much better than before… would you like to eat something? I made it with my own hands," Ziana spoke with a calm smile as she looked at me. She was there with me from the start to the end… she helped me every time I was trying to kill myself… made me feel better when I felt as low as it\'s possible.
She was there to pull me out of the darkness every time I felt that I was lost.
I saw the food she prepared but honestly, my appetite was dead… I felt like hurting myself more… however she patted my head a little before running her fingers through my hair.
"Open your mouth ****," she spoke, and I then opened my mouth and she fed me with her other hand as if a mother helping her child eat.
I ate the portions of food she was giving me with a slight relief on my face… it was delicious… it had a feeling that I have never felt. It made me feel like I was sitting in a warm home where I belonged…
Even though I felt like a rag doll a few days before… I was much better now with a bit of my emotions becoming normal
"Ziana… who are you… if you don\'t mind me asking… who are you to me?" I asked in a dry voice as I looked at her with a slightly curious expression.